Through Toils (revised)

[whisperer]

I looked into the world within.
I scoured and searched landscapes,
walked over worn out paths
and picked at over healed scars.
I kicked at half built houses
and stirred up clouds of dust.
I poured out everything from my cup
and left myself worn and dry.
Was it the fires of anger
that burned these lands?
Did this world fall apart 
at the works of my own hands?


Too many years I've toiled
over pen and word and page.
Too many years I've wandered 
in the midst of middle age.
Yet, I've never danced 
in a pouring rain.
Nor have I felt 
the tectonic shift of pain.


I've been stepped on,
overlooked,
tossed aside,
left with a hardening heart.
But to love like there's nothing else,
to burst wide open,
is a weight I've never held.


I never fit into a box before,
so why would I want to now?
Not rebellious. Not defiant.
But in a peaceful presence bound.

I looked within my world.
Scoured landscapes, 
walked worn out paths
and picked at healed scars.
Kicked half built houses
that stirred up clouds of dust.
Emptied my cup
and left myself dry.
Was it anger that burned these lands?
Did this all fall apart 
at the work of my own hands?


Too many years I've toiled
over pen and page.
Too many years I've wandered 
in the midst of middle age 
to never have danced 
in the rain. Nor been 
soaked deep by pain.


I've been stepped on,
overlooked, tossed aside,
and left with a hardened heart.
To love like there's nothing else,
is a weight I've never held.


I never fit into a box,
why would I want to now?
Not rebellious. Not defiant.
Just peaceful presence found.

[milo]

Hello there and thanks for posting.  I was recently discussing the function and purpose of titles in poems and it got me thinking - does your title tell too much here?  Would it be better to just name it the toil or the burden or whatnot and let the reader arrive at the meaning in the poem?

I looked into the world within.
I scoured and searched landscapes,
walked over worn out paths
and picked at over healed scars.
I kicked at half built houses
and stirred up clouds of dust.

so, first line, at least one of your "in" is superfluous and possibly "world" as well. Could it be "I looked within?" or "I looked within the world?"
on the second line, you certainly don't need to start with "I" again, the reader will remember from the first line and it is redundant as well as visually unappealing in this instant.  I usually have a rule that if you are using 2 verbs to do the job of one, you are using the wrong verb.  In this case, "scoured" is strong enough so searched just weakens it and can be trimmed.
third, I think "over" weakens it
fourth, I am not sure about "over's purpose here.  If it is "over-healed" there should be a hyphen.  I am not that familiar with the term but I like it here.
Fifth line, the problem is with "at".  Kicking at a house does nothing.  (well, maybe the problem is kicked depending on what you are trying to convey"  For me it works fine as "I kicked half-built houses"

I poured out everything from my cup
and left myself worn and dry.
Was it the fires of anger
that burned these lands?
Did this world fall apart 
at the works of my own hands?

Additional trimming through here might make the reading stronger.  Consider "I poured out from my cup".  you could argue, that does not convey the same message and I would agree but, let's face it, "everything" is hyperbole anyway and the spareness is better for the reader.
"worn and dry" - I debated this back and forth and you may wish to as well.  Much like my double verb suggestion, I usually make the same suggestions with double adjectives but it may work here, still something you may wish to consider.

"fires of anger" - there is a formula for bad verse that which goes "the noun of the abstract" which causes many readers to cringe (the heat of love, the bloom of youth, the rock of inspiration, etc).  Here, so as not to put off your reader, maybe just "anger's fire" would work.
"My hands" is fine, you can trim own

Too many years I've toiled
over pen and word and page.
Too many years I've wandered 
in the midst of middle age.
Yet, I've never danced 
in a pouring rain.
Nor have I felt 
the tectonic shift of pain.

It looks like you have decided to switch to rhymed verse midway through the poem.  This can be jarring and inexplicable to some reader.  A technique I have used when I would like a little rhyme interjected in a free verse poem is to offset the rhymed portion with italics.
I think "toiled over pen and page" works fine without "word"
We also introduce the concept of meta poetry here
I think "tectonic" is over dramafied.  You also have another "noun of abstraction" phrase here, might want to reconsider.

I've been stepped on,
overlooked,
tossed aside,
left with a hardening heart.
But to love like there's nothing else,
to burst wide open,
is a weight I've never held.


I never fit into a box before,
so why would I want to now?
Not rebellious. Not defiant.
But in a peaceful presence bound.

I know I wrote a lot here and I don't want you to be discouraged and think I don't like it, I do, I think you have the good bones of a working poem here.  You have a natural sense for rhythm, your sounds are good, you choose good line breaks though you do end stop every line so you may wish to consider some enjambment.

Look through it with an eye to trim and maybe to expand and strengthen the images you have.

I am looking forward to version 2

Thanks for posting

[David_Kaine]

I looked into the world within.                    
I scoured and searched landscapes,
walked over worn out paths
and picked at over healed scars.               This second 'over' seems unnecessary
I kicked at half built houses
and stirred up clouds of dust.
I poured out everything from my cup
and left myself worn and dry.
Was it the fires of anger
that burned these lands?
Did this world fall apart 
at the works of my own hands?        


Too many years I've toiled            is this the title?  Writing about writing is relatable, but perhaps there's more to this      
over pen and word and page.
Too many years I've wandered 
in the midst of middle age.             Middle age is hard to determine for me
Yet, I've never danced 
in a pouring rain.
Nor have I felt 
the tectonic shift of pain.    I like all the earth imagery, 


I've been stepped on,
overlooked,
tossed aside,
left with a hardening heart.        Hardened?
But to love like there's nothing else,
to burst wide open,
is a weight I've never held.                I dont understand the bursting weight 


I never fit into a box before,
so why would I want to now?  
Not rebellious. Not defiant.
But in a peaceful presence bound.   The box seems sudden, I cant tell what box you're being fit into.  I love the last line but I cant tell if the box is comforting or what even box it is.  I think overall you  dont need these last four lines, 'a weight ive never held' holds weight.

I hope this helps

[whisperer]

Hello there and thanks for posting.  I was recently discussing the function and purpose of titles in poems and it got me thinking - does your title tell too much here?  Would it be better to just name it the toil or the burden or whatnot and let the reader arrive at the meaning in the poem?

I looked into the world within.
I scoured and searched landscapes,
walked over worn out paths
and picked at over healed scars.
I kicked at half built houses
and stirred up clouds of dust.

so, first line, at least one of your "in" is superfluous and possibly "world" as well. Could it be "I looked within?" or "I looked within the world?"
on the second line, you certainly don't need to start with "I" again, the reader will remember from the first line and it is redundant as well as visually unappealing in this instant.  I usually have a rule that if you are using 2 verbs to do the job of one, you are using the wrong verb.  In this case, "scoured" is strong enough so searched just weakens it and can be trimmed.
third, I think "over" weakens it
fourth, I am not sure about "over's purpose here.  If it is "over-healed" there should be a hyphen.  I am not that familiar with the term but I like it here.
Fifth line, the problem is with "at".  Kicking at a house does nothing.  (well, maybe the problem is kicked depending on what you are trying to convey"  For me it works fine as "I kicked half-built houses"

I poured out everything from my cup
and left myself worn and dry.
Was it the fires of anger
that burned these lands?
Did this world fall apart 
at the works of my own hands?

Additional trimming through here might make the reading stronger.  Consider "I poured out from my cup".  you could argue, that does not convey the same message and I would agree but, let's face it, "everything" is hyperbole anyway and the spareness is better for the reader.
"worn and dry" - I debated this back and forth and you may wish to as well.  Much like my double verb suggestion, I usually make the same suggestions with double adjectives but it may work here, still something you may wish to consider.

"fires of anger" - there is a formula for bad verse that which goes "the noun of the abstract" which causes many readers to cringe (the heat of love, the bloom of youth, the rock of inspiration, etc).  Here, so as not to put off your reader, maybe just "anger's fire" would work.
"My hands" is fine, you can trim own

Too many years I've toiled
over pen and word and page.
Too many years I've wandered 
in the midst of middle age.
Yet, I've never danced 
in a pouring rain.
Nor have I felt 
the tectonic shift of pain.

It looks like you have decided to switch to rhymed verse midway through the poem.  This can be jarring and inexplicable to some reader.  A technique I have used when I would like a little rhyme interjected in a free verse poem is to offset the rhymed portion with italics.
I think "toiled over pen and page" works fine without "word"
We also introduce the concept of meta poetry here
I think "tectonic" is over dramafied.  You also have another "noun of abstraction" phrase here, might want to reconsider.

I've been stepped on,
overlooked,
tossed aside,
left with a hardening heart.
But to love like there's nothing else,
to burst wide open,
is a weight I've never held.


I never fit into a box before,
so why would I want to now?
Not rebellious. Not defiant.
But in a peaceful presence bound.

I know I wrote a lot here and I don't want you to be discouraged and think I don't like it, I do, I think you have the good bones of a working poem here.  You have a natural sense for rhythm, your sounds are good, you choose good line breaks though you do end stop every line so you may wish to consider some enjambment.

Look through it with an eye to trim and maybe to expand and strengthen the images you have.

I am looking forward to version 2

Thanks for posting

I'm glad I read all the way to the end of your post. I almost threw out all my books and pens....I'm kidding. You've given me a lot to bring back to the anvil and hammer this out some more. Thanks for taking the time to read this and leave such a detailed review. Stay tuned.....

---

I looked into the world within.                    
I scoured and searched landscapes,
walked over worn out paths
and picked at over healed scars.               This second 'over' seems unnecessary
I kicked at half built houses
and stirred up clouds of dust.
I poured out everything from my cup
and left myself worn and dry.
Was it the fires of anger
that burned these lands?
Did this world fall apart 
at the works of my own hands?        


Too many years I've toiled            is this the title?  Writing about writing is relatable, but perhaps there's more to this      
over pen and word and page.
Too many years I've wandered 
in the midst of middle age.             Middle age is hard to determine for me
Yet, I've never danced 
in a pouring rain.
Nor have I felt 
the tectonic shift of pain.    I like all the earth imagery, 


I've been stepped on,
overlooked,
tossed aside,
left with a hardening heart.        Hardened?
But to love like there's nothing else,
to burst wide open,
is a weight I've never held.                I dont understand the bursting weight 


I never fit into a box before,
so why would I want to now?  
Not rebellious. Not defiant.
But in a peaceful presence bound.   The box seems sudden, I cant tell what box you're being fit into.  I love the last line but I cant tell if the box is comforting or what even box it is.  I think overall you  dont need these last four lines, 'a weight ive never held' holds weight.

I hope this helps

Yes it does. You've given some very constructive ideas for me to consider for when I get down to another draft. Thank you for taking the time to read this and leave a review. Much appreciated

[Potshots]

I am uneducated and untrained so please take everything I say with a grain of salt.

I looked within my world.
Scoured landscapes,
walked worn out paths
and picked at healed scars.
Kicked half built houses
that stirred up clouds of dust.
Emptied my cup
and left myself dry.

Up to here I'm having a good time. The vision is there and conjures emotion. The first line in this revision is definitely better than the first. There are some word choices or phrasing that I may do differently, but I am not particularly concerned with the content and identify with the premise.

Was it anger that burned these lands?
Did this all fall apart
at the work of my own hands?

This feels a bit haphazard and forced juxtaposed against the rest of the stanza(?). From the formatting to the injected rhyme it comes across as alien. I do not believe that the rhyming itself is detracting, but the execution maybe could use with a bit more brevity like a snappy two liner instead of three that sufficiently gets the point across. Mostly it didn't fit with the rhythm of what was before for me enough that I felt jarred.

Too many years I've toiled
over pen and page.
Too many years I've wandered
in the midst of middle age
to never have danced
in the rain. Nor been
soaked deep by pain.

Really two things here, one a little more trivial than the other. 

1.The line "in the midst of middle age" I think works better without "in the midst". Fits the syllable count of the previous two lines (meter?). It also still conveys the ongoing-nature that I believe you are getting across implicitly.

2. The bigger one is that the execution of the last thought feels forced again. The formatting is different in a way that's more confusing than interesting to me, and the biggest reason is that the last line almost seems contradicted by the next stanza where you describe an immense set of woes that you've endured which makes "Nor been soaked deep by pain." seem disingenuous.

I've been stepped on,
overlooked, tossed aside,
and left with a hardened heart.
To love like there's nothing else,
is a weight I've never held.

1. Love the honesty of the first three lines, they hit. The rhyming two are probably the strongest of the work to this point. They fit with the message of the previous three and while clunky rhythmically, they project honesty.

2. Contrasting the previous stanza's close against this one, I had to pause and go back because this is outlining some pain. Not only that but you describe the effect it had as a "hardened heart". That shines even more of a spotlight on that last line which could definitely be stronger in both idea and execution.

I never fit into a box,
why would I want to now?
Not rebellious. Not defiant.
Just peaceful presence found.

I believe somewhere you need to work in a motif of resiliency before this close or in some way lead up to your intended closing argument. The idea once again is there but in all of the previous stanzas I didn't pick up on anything that ties this to the rest. Obviously you don't have to introduce anything explicit, but I read this and don't see how it fits cogently. Tangentially, I understand that everything previously is in spite of the last stanza but I was not satisfied by that being the extent of it.

[Bunx]

I looked into the world within.
I scoured and searched landscapes,
walked over worn out paths
and picked at over healed scars.
I kicked at half built houses
and stirred up clouds of dust.
I poured out everything from my cup
and left myself worn and dry.
Was it the fires of anger
that burned these lands?
Did this world fall apart 
at the works of my own hands?


Too many years I've toiled
over pen and word and page.
Too many years I've wandered 
in the midst of middle age.
Yet, I've never danced 
in a pouring rain.
Nor have I felt 
the tectonic shift of pain.


I've been stepped on,
overlooked,
tossed aside,
left with a hardening heart.
But to love like there's nothing else,
to burst wide open,
is a weight I've never held.


I never fit into a box before,
so why would I want to now?
Not rebellious. Not defiant.
But in a peaceful presence bound.

I looked within my world.  I feel like world may be too broad. The more I read the poem I associate it less with a place and more of their journey
Scoured landscapes, 
walked worn out paths
and picked at healed scars.
Kicked half built houses
that stirred up clouds of dust.
Emptied my cup These lines feel a bit abrupt. Maybe add more adjectives "moisture leaves the tongue within an empty cup" maybe?
and left myself dry. 
Was it anger that burned these lands?
Did this all fall apart 
at the work of my own hands?


Too many years I've toiled
over pen and page.
Too many years I've wandered 
in the midst of middle age 
to never have danced 
in the rain. Nor been 
soaked deep by pain. Favorite stanza


I've been stepped on,
overlooked, tossed aside,
and left with a hardened heart.
To love like there's nothing else,
is a weight I've never held.


I never fit into a box,
why would I want to now?
Not rebellious. Not defiant.
Just peaceful presence found. 

I agree with Milo on the title it's seems a bit too on the nose. Maybe something less specific to draw in a reader. Overall I loved this work and was captured by the narrator as well as the rhyme schemes.