Surprised - edit2

[dukealien]

Surprised


You’re old, almost
as old as I am now–

Surely you’ve walked
into a second or third room
and wondered why
you came...

then found a glass
part-full of wine
in your hand
that you’d thought was empty.

edit1;

You’re old, almost
as old as I am now–

Surely you’ve walked
into a second or third room
and wondered why
you came here–

then found a glass
part-full of wine
in your hand
that you’d thought was empty.

But there it is
and here you are,
my dear.


original version;

You’re old, almost
as old as I am now–

Surely you’ve walked
into a second or third room
and wondered why
you came here–

then found a glass
half full of wine
in your hand
that you’d though was empty.

But there it is
and here you are,
my dear.

[adagio]

I enjoyed the "unexpected" rhyme at the end, and the overall sound. Good stuff! Just a couple of rhymes, and some internal ones (old-walked, right?) plus two-beats in almost every line create a pretty nice effect.
Why is the glass only half full though?
Oh yeah, and please correct the typo, though - thought

[dukealien]

edit;


You’re old, almost
as old as I am now–

Surely you’ve walked
into a second or third room
and wondered why
you came here–

then found a glass
part-full of wine
in your hand
that you’d thought was empty.

But there it is
and here you are,
my dear.

---

Good critique for a short work!  The typo is fixed (I'm the world's worst proofreader... of my own stuff).  And changing "half" to the less specific also avoids a difficult-to-pronounce f-to-f in that line (my lips move when I read - sometimes sounds emerge!)

Thanks!

[brynmawr1]

Surprised


You’re old, almost  like your line break here
as old as I am now–

Surely you’ve walked  maybe comma after surely?
into a second or third room
and wondered why
you came here–     are you here?  Reads more direct and has a hint of extended meaning, IMO.

then found a glass
part-full of wine
in your hand
that you’d thought was empty.

But there it is
and here you are,
my dear.

original version;

You’re old, almost
as old as I am now–

Surely you’ve walked
into a second or third room
and wondered why
you came here–

then found a glass
half full of wine
in your hand
that you’d though was empty.

But there it is
and here you are,
my dear.

Hi Duke,
I've been meaning to comment for awhile.  Not much to add except my comment above.  I would also consider cutting S4.  For me, the gut punch comes from the 'surprise' of finding your cup is not as empty as assumed.  I read the poem as a metaphor for the feeling that your life is over only to find out it isn't and letting the reader dangle with that.  
Hope this is useful,
Bryn

[dukealien]

edit2;

You’re old, almost
as old as I am now–

Surely you’ve walked
into a second or third room
and wondered why
you came...

then found a glass
part-full of wine
in your hand
that you’d thought was empty.

---

Thanks, now, to both critics.  To @brynmawr1, specifically:  you're right, the last stanza was an afterthought - and an attempt to make it clear the "you" is a person being addressed rather than a generic observation about one's own experience.  Without it, the reader will have to figure that out for himself - as well as whether the surprise is that the glass wasn't empty, or the hand was not     .