Beauty and Nobility

[depressedmetalhead]

It’s been a while guys but I randomly came up with this in church lol

 Beauty and Nobility

Behold the dandelion,

a fluffy beauty and charm

full of promises
of prosperity,
which solely exists
to serve itself
and choke others,
feeding on their life.

Now see the spider,
ever despised, feared
endlessly and silently toils,
creating delicate
works of magnificence, 
quietly ridding us
of those who steal
and feed on
what is not theirs.

[dukealien]

It’s been a while guys but I randomly came up with this in church lol

Distorted Beauty

Behold the dandelion,

a fluffy beauty and charm wanted at first to reverse "beauty" and "charm" to regularize rhythm, but as is it matches the bumpy "dandelion" so stet

full of promises
of prosperity,  this takes some thought to apply - but it does fit, with the following lines
which solely exists
to serve itself
and choke others,
feeding on their life.  In this respect the dandelion is a rather mild weed, but you need the beauty for contrast.  Only a Scotsman could like a thistle.

Now see the spider,
ever despised, feared  nice internal rhymes and alliteration in these 3-5 lines
endlessly and silently
toils, creating delicate  given the pervasive alliteration, is the inversion ("toils" here instead of leading the previous line) necessary?
works of magnificence, 
quietly ridding us
of those who steal
and feed on
what is not theirs.  A little harsh on flies and skeeters.  So the the spider is a cop?  (Just kidding.  Or not?)

In basic critique, this is quite nice, and hard to crit because it is, frankly, a lot like some things I write (personalizing objects and animals).  If you gave them names and dialog, it could be a fable.

But as is, aside from the one possible improvement above, only real suggestion is a different title.  The viewer's valuation is implied in the body of the poem, but "distorted" may be a bit much.  Perhaps more along the lines of misperceived, but better.

Good read, thanks for posting!  Now I have to go out and pull some dandelions from my lawn...

[saintmonkey]

This is a really nice poem, I like the internal rhymes and the title fits it very well. I think the contrast between dandelion and the spider is great and the paradoxical nature of them both is thoughtful.
I got only one suggestion for this line
"and choke others,
feeding on their life." - i thought this part could maybe flow a bit smoother, perhaps "sapping on their life" or something like that
This is my first critique so don't take it very seriously. Thanks for sharing this poem : )

[MrMitchieMooMoo]

It’s been a while guys but I randomly came up with this in church lol

 Beauty and Nobility

Behold the dandelion,

a fluffy beauty and charm

full of promises
of prosperity,
which solely exists
to serve itself
and choke others,
feeding on their life.

Now see the spider,
ever despised, feared
endlessly and silently toils,
creating delicate
works of magnificence, 
quietly ridding us
of those who steal
and feed on
what is not theirs.

Wouldn't change a thing; really evoked a sense of compassion (can't exactly 'empathise' with a spider) for nature. Beautifully constructed also.

[Harroldinho]

Hello depressedmetalhead, I like this poem.

I think for me personally with these style of poems, there should be a 3rd final stanza that makes some statement or changes the readers view on something. 

the first stanza is setup that introduces something in nature that feeds on something.
the second stand stanza brings up something in nature that rids us of something in nature that rids us of things that steal/feed on what is not theirs.
To me maybe the final stanza should either combine these two things or maybe they should interact in some way to make some final stance. 

Just a thought, nice poem!