Anxiety is a frog
#1
Blowing bubble calls — ritual croaking balls.
Irridescent and beautiful as the moon’s crescent.
Each bubble falls, and they shake from withdrawals.
Failure is an unpleasant Valentine's Day present.

Trapped in a glass prison, thick skin will glisten.
Shame and guilt chains clatter as remorse rains.
A simple decision became thought fission.
Self-destructive games require therapy cranes.

In the depths of the bog, where evils slog —
Tadpoles danse macabre after first breath
An alligator hides under an enormous log
as the frog too tries to cheat death.

Crucified, exposed. In frozen throes, a rigor mortis pose.
Judgement glares raise hairs and cause cardiac tears.
Dove white cushions opposed by a bough of crows.
Chest pain shoots off, quick as tongue flares.

Wise from old age at this life stage.
Love and empathy spring far like hind legs.
No longer filled with rage. An amphibious sage
that guards their eggs till their life-span’s dregs.
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#2
Hey Harrold,
Welcome to the pen Smile I really liked the title of this poem. The idea of making an extended metaphor comparing anxiety to a frog has a lot of potential. My biggest complaint with this poem is that all the rhyming hurts the tone. I was expecting a serious and maybe dark poem, but the rhyming made it too whimsical for my liking. I'm not sure if you were following a specific form here, and I'm not the best to give advice on rhyming or meter, but the rhyming gets almost distracting in parts. I will go into a bit more detail below:


(05-23-2025, 01:19 AM)Harroldinho Wrote:  Blowing bubble calls — ritual croaking balls. 
Irridescent and beautiful as the moon’s crescent.
Each bubble falls, and they shake from withdrawals.
Failure is an unpleasant Valentine's Day present. -I'd rather know specifically what the unpleasant present was. I get why you worded it this way though, so it would rhyme. To me, this is an example of how the rhyme distracts from the meaning.

Trapped in a glass prison, thick skin will glisten.
Shame and guilt chains clatter as remorse rains.
A simple decision became thought fission.
Self-destructive games require therapy cranes.

In the depths of the bog, where evils slog —
Tadpoles danse macabre after first breath
An alligator hides under an enormous log
as the frog too tries to cheat death. -I like the last 2 lines here, and I feel like exploring the metaphor of the alligator in context of the anxiety/frog metaphor could be quite interesting.

Crucified, exposed. In frozen throes, a rigor mortis pose.
Judgement glares raise hairs and cause cardiac tears.
Dove white cushions opposed by a bough of crows.
Chest pain shoots off, quick as tongue flares.

Wise from old age at this life stage.
Love and empathy spring far like hind legs.
No longer filled with rage. An amphibious sage
that guards their eggs till their life-span’s dregs. 

Overall, I would love to see a rewrite without the rhyming.

Cheers,
Richard
Time is the best editor.
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#3
Hey Richard, thank you for the feedback. Yes I started writing it and the rhymes turned into a way to keep the reader engaged, but when I write the next draft I will re-think that aspect. 

Thanks, 
Harry
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