Fear The Storm; Warn All In Sight

[Poet-dude-ig]

A news forecaster is told of storms.
They present the findings each morning,
Highlighting the outliers
And addressing the weather.

A storm is coming–
Not very large, but still to be respected.
The viewers should fear the storm,
So he warns all in sight.

Parents watch the news.
They all fear the storm.
“Stay inside.” “wear a coat.”
The parents tell their children:
Fear the storm and stay prepared,
And warn all those in sight.

The children speak of beasts,
Hidden in the clouds.
Snakes and dragons conjure storms;
Prowling quietly– readying attack.

The teacher hears the children
And interprets demon presence.
She fears the storms so greatly,
She’ll warn the pastor on next sight.

The teacher tells the pastor,
“There’s demons in the clouds.”
The pastor fears the future
But must tell the truth
Exactly as it’s found.

“Prepare for these demons.
Draw crucifixes; Pray to god.
This storm will be the worst
Any have ever seen.
Demons hide within the clouds.
Fear these demons and storms greatly,
Warn all in sight.”

The storm finally comes,
And the whole town’s distraught.
They’ve drawn pitchforks and torches,
And when the day finally came,
It was unremarkable–
Just a few inches of rain.

[dukealien]

A news forecaster is told of storms.  The concept of a "news forecaster" is difficult.  A seer or prophet, OK, but "news" is kind of modern.
They present the findings each morning,  "They" is a little problematic - subject should refer back to something, but "forecaster" is singular.
Highlighting the outliers
And addressing the weather.

A storm is coming–
Not very large, but still to be respected.
The viewers should fear the storm,  "Viewers" makes this completely modern (post-1940s) so other aspects seem anachronistic (see below).
So he warns all in sight.

Parents watch the news.
They all fear the storm.
“Stay inside.” “wear a coat.”
The parents tell their children:
Fear the storm and stay prepared,
And warn all those in sight.  This is a good semi-refrain, but don't other people have TVs?

The children speak of beasts,
Hidden in the clouds.
Snakes and dragons conjure storms;
Prowling quietly– readying attack.

The teacher hears the children  
And interprets demon presence.  OK, now we're in the 17th century.  Also, "interprets" might be "deduces" or "infers."
She fears the storms so greatly,
She’ll warn the pastor on next sight.

The teacher tells the pastor,
“There’s demons in the clouds.”
The pastor fears the future
But must tell the truth  These two lines need some work to bring out the pastor's reluctance and duty, I think.
Exactly as it’s found.  

“Prepare for these demons.
Draw crucifixes; Pray to god.
This storm will be the worst
Any have ever seen.
Demons hide within the clouds.
Fear these demons and storms greatly,
Warn all in sight.”  This doesn't sort exactly with "truth" above... perhaps stress that he's talking worst-case?

The storm finally comes,
And the whole town’s distraught.
They’ve drawn pitchforks and torches,
And when the day finally came,
It was unremarkable–
Just a few inches of rain.

Thematically (and in mild critique), there's an anachronism here:  a rationally informed, i.e. modern, broadcaster but superstitious people and priest (kids are OK).  I'd suggest a town crier, perhaps informed by a traveler.  If the anachronism is intentional, OK, but a little backstory would help.

Treating this as a prose poem/free verse, it could be slimmed for better impact.  Fewer but more active, colorful words.  My usual suggestion:  treat every instance of "the" with suspicion.  It's often unnecessary and removing it smooths the reading; in other cases, it can be profitably replaced with a more descriptive word.  Save "the" to emphasize this is the one and only of its kind.  A bishop, the pope.

As for capitalizing the first word of each line, no objection here.  It looks a little dated, but the only real reason not to is that saving capitals for proper nouns and sentence starts makes those stand out more.

In summary, the story needs more drama - which could be provided by more colorful words and plausible backstory (small country, maybe drop back to radio).  With those handled, rhyme and meter could be added if desired.

[tun]

A news forecaster is told of storms.
They present the findings each morning,
Highlighting the outliers
And addressing the weather.

A storm is coming–
Not very large, but still to be respected.
The viewers should fear the storm,
So he warns all in sight.

Parents watch the news.
They all fear the storm.
“Stay inside.” “wear a coat.”
The parents tell their children:
Fear the storm and stay prepared,
And warn all those in sight.

The children speak of beasts,
Hidden in the clouds.
Snakes and dragons conjure storms;
Prowling quietly– readying attack.

The teacher hears the children
And interprets demon presence.
She fears the storms so greatly,
She’ll warn the pastor on next sight.

The teacher tells the pastor,
“There’s demons in the clouds.”
The pastor fears the future
But must tell the truth
Exactly as it’s found.

“Prepare for these demons.
Draw crucifixes; Pray to god.
This storm will be the worst
Any have ever seen.
Demons hide within the clouds.
Fear these demons and storms greatly,
Warn all in sight.”

The storm finally comes,
And the whole town’s distraught.
They’ve drawn pitchforks and torches,
And when the day finally came,
It was unremarkable–
Just a few inches of rain.

In this one it cleverly illustrates how fear multiplies as it’s passed through different social roles—forecaster, parents, children, teacher, pastor—each adding distortion until a small storm becomes a cosmic threat. Its strength lies in showing how authority and imagination inflate danger into panic. The anticlimax, a drizzle after so much buildup, exposes the absurdity of mass hysteria and how people’s need to fear can be more destructive than the event itself.

[adagio]

Thematically (and in mild critique), there's an anachronism here:  a rationally informed, i.e. modern, broadcaster but superstitious people and priest (kids are OK).  I'd suggest a town crier, perhaps informed by a traveler.  If the anachronism is intentional, OK, but a little backstory would help.

In my understanding, this anachronism is one of the main themes here. We live in modern times, we have TV and weather forecasts, but people didn't change, and their minds are still medieval.
I think this is a very cleaver way to talk about it. It's a good metaphor.
People don't usually stop at drawing pitchforks and torches though. They start burning suspected witches at stake... and then a Great Leader emerges who promises protection against demons in the clouds...