Four Women, v2

[RiverNotch]

Four Women


First there was the woman
who had to play the harlot,
who had to trim herself

in thick and gaudy hues
so that she may assert
her few rights as a woman,

so that she may seduce
the father of her two
since-departed husbands.

Then there was the harlot
who plied her trade along
the walls of Jericho,

who found and hid the spies
that, in their righteousness,
promised she’d be saved

from the coming storm,
the genocide they brought,
if only she’d repent,

if only she would wed
one of them, as she
was likely known as harlot

only because she was
a migrant, a foreign woman.
Then came this foreign woman

whose lot went worse than harlot
when, during a famine,
with neither son nor brother,

her husband died of fever,
this woman forced to move
as she grieved, forced to glean

first from the meager harvest
of her fellow migrants,
then from the copious leavings

of her fellow widows
and widowers, then finally
from the roll of widows

and widowers themselves.
Finally came this woman
who had a migrant husband,

whose king first made her harlot
then widow then wife then mother
of his son, his successor,

his surpasser in saintly wisdom
and count of foreign wives,
while he became a hero,

an icon of repentance,
and she remained no more
than woman, wife, and mother,

the last of the four women
mentioned by Saint Matthew
in his Holy Gospel
before the Ever-Virgin.

First there was the woman
who had to play a harlot
to claim even an inch

of her rights as a woman.
Then there was the harlot
who, in ancient parlance,

repented, although perhaps
she was called a harlot
simply because she was

a migrant, a foreign woman.
Then came this foreign woman
whose lot, in ancient parlance,

went much worse than harlot
when, during a famine,
with neither son nor brother,

her husband died of fever.
Finally came this woman
who had a migrant husband,

whose king first made her harlot
then widow then wife then mother
of his son and successor

while he became a hero,
an icon of repentance,
and she remained no more

than woman, wife, mother:
the last of the four women
mentioned by Saint Matthew
before the Ever-Virgin.

[brynmawr1]

Four Women
 

First there was the woman
who had to play a harlot
to claim even an inch

of her rights as a woman.
Then there was the harlot
who, in ancient parlance,

repented, although perhaps
she was called a harlot
simply because she was

a migrant, a foreign woman.
Then came this foreign woman
whose lot, in ancient parlance,

went much worse than harlot
when, during a famine,
with neither son nor brother,

her husband died of fever.
Finally came this woman
who had a migrant husband,

whose king first made her harlot
then widow then wife then mother
of his son and successor

while he became a hero,
an icon of repentance,
and she remained no more

than woman, wife, mother:
the last of the four women
mentioned by Saint Matthew
before the Ever-Virgin.

Hi River,
I really like the story here. However, I think it would be more effective if you were more specific about each women.  Use their names, make them real and then make it poetic and brutal.  Force the reader to care what these women went through and why it matters.  I do think that the piece is more effective near the end but really the poem ended at L2, S9 the rest implied if properly set up in the previous lines.
Take care,
bryn

[busker]

Four Women
 

First there was the woman
who had to play a harlot
to claim even an inch

of her rights as a woman.
Then there was the harlot
who, in ancient parlance,

repented, although perhaps
she was called a harlot
simply because she was

a migrant, a foreign woman.
Then came this foreign woman
whose lot, in ancient parlance,

went much worse than harlot
when, during a famine,
with neither son nor brother,

her husband died of fever.
Finally came this woman
who had a migrant husband,

whose king first made her harlot
then widow then wife then mother
of his son and successor

while he became a hero,
an icon of repentance,
and she remained no more

than woman, wife, mother:
the last of the four women
mentioned by Saint Matthew
before the Ever-Virgin.

My knowledge of Christian tradition isn’t the best
Delila,, Ruth, Beersheba, Mariam?

---

For me, not knowing the references came in the way of appreciating the poem fully. But that is not a problem in itself, as a more knowledgeable reader won’t have that difficulty

Other than that, I think the poem is fine as a piece of observation. But it is just a list. Could it be more than a list? That’s up to you.

[Mark A Becker]

Hello notch-

Your (riddle) poem made me do a bit of digging to come up with the link, below. I hope that readers will examine ithe link, as it provides necessary context:

https://www.wycliffe.org/blog/posts/unli...-matthew-1

The beginning of the gospl according to Matthew lists tha 14 generations leading to the birth of Jesus. In that genealogy only four women are mentioned.. Those four women are destined to bend the arc of history (whether one is a 'believer' or not.) as they lead to Mary, mother of Jesus.

Yours is an interesting subject for a poem, and requires that the reader either has knowledge of Matthew 1, or is curious enough to dig deeper.

The last stanza is what made me curious enough:
... the four women
mentioned by Saint Matthew
before the Ever-Virgin.

I appreciate that you present this poem without proselytizing- very subtle.

...Mark

[RiverNotch]

thanks for the feedback

i wanted to keep the tone of the narration as clinical as before, but to also follow your advice of making it more than a list, of making it more poetic and brutal. hope this worked


p.s. on the origins of this thing, this was my NaPM entry for the 27th of April last year.

that version ended very differently, but i ended up disliking its didactism, just as i liked---i wanted to further develop---its general story.

thanks again

[busker]

I don’t like this new version
It’s a lot of run on lines. There’s no poetry on it

The original, though flawed, had the merit of brevity and a mix of line lengths.