Seed

[Valerie Please]

Touch the earth,
face in the dirt:
A silent ball
breaking, wailing,
but also
waiting.

[DeluxDelightful]

This is beautiful.
It reminds me a little of The Doors song "not to touch the earth/not to see the sun/nothing left to do but run run run", but like the preface and the appendix to that.

[Bunx]

I'd replace touch with maybe
"Fall to earth"
It is a cliche but literally
Isn't gravity needed for seeds.

Or "gravity within birth
The earth touches me"

[Magpie]

Touch the earth,
face in the dirt:
A silent ball
breaking, wailing,
but also
waiting.

I like the idea.
Not sure about the idea of a 'ball' and silent seems at odds with wailing.
'but also' is unnecessary.

[Bunx]

Touch the earth,
face in the dirt:
A silent ball
breaking, wailing,
but also
waiting.

I like the idea.
Not sure about the idea of a 'ball' and silent seems at odds with wailing.
'but also' is unnecessary.

Ball seems subjective to me. Maybe a silent future (the future of the plant). Just an idea

[Magpie]

Ball seems subjective to me.

It makes sense to see it that way, must be the confusion with shape that seems odd to me. 
Perhaps 'bundle' or likewise would put the idea across better.

[Valerie Please]

I really like that line "gravity within birth."

I'd replace touch with maybe
"Fall to earth"
It is a cliche but literally
Isn't gravity needed for seeds.

Or "gravity within birth
The earth touches me"

---

Thank you for the read and the feedback
It's good to know when the central idea isn't coming across.

xo,

Val

Ball seems subjective to me.

It makes sense to see it that way, must be the confusion with shape that seems odd to me. 
Perhaps 'bundle' or likewise would put the idea across better.

[Bunx]

All just ideas youre in control of your work ✌️

[WiredWild327]

Touch the earth,
face in the dirt:
A silent ball
breaking, wailing,
but also
waiting.

This evokes a sense of beautiful longing, the hope of a light at the end of a tunnel. I was also a bit confused by your choice to use “ball” - perhaps “shell”? And I think “touch the earth” is a little gentle compared to the rest of the poem. I think something more striking or visceral would make a bigger impact. 

Maybe: 

Ground in the earth
Face in the dirt 

Or:

Consumed by the earth,
Face in the dirt
A silent shell;
Breaking, wailing,
Waiting.

[Valerie Please]

Thank you WW, this is helpful feedback

Touch the earth,
face in the dirt:
A silent ball
breaking, wailing,
but also
waiting.

This evokes a sense of beautiful longing, the hope of a light at the end of a tunnel. I was also a bit confused by your choice to use “ball” - perhaps “shell”? And I think “touch the earth” is a little gentle compared to the rest of the poem. I think something more striking or visceral would make a bigger impact. 

Maybe: 

Ground in the earth
Face in the dirt 

Or:

Consumed by the earth,
Face in the dirt
A silent shell;
Breaking, wailing,
Waiting.