Movement (V1)

[aschueler]

Sparrows in the concourse,
they sneaked in and now,
trapped,
they cannot fly away
from that airport.
It's like hearing the radio
telling the traffic problems
of a city you aim to leave, forever



Original

Sparrows sometimes live in airports
but they cannot fly away;
It’s like hearing the radio
telling you the traffic problems
of a city you’re leaving forever

[busker]

I'm struggling to understand this poem. Why can't the sparrows fly away? They'd probably be shot down if they flew across the runway (or similarly deterred from doing so), but I can't imagine any difficulties with their flying out of the terminal building and onto the trees lining the approach highway.
And while I like the last two lines by themselves, I don't see the connection that they have to the dilemma of the sparrows (even if they are, for some reason, confined to the airport).

[aschueler]

Thank you for your evaluation.

Regarding why sparrows can't fly away: birds, often swallows, find themselves in airport terminals, nesting and remaining there in a sort of microcosm if they're not "assisted" out. I guess I should have looked up whether they migrate or not. They don't so the reference does lose some validity. I'll try to clarify. I like the rhythm of the word sparrow, but starling mght work as they are supposed to migrate. Having them trapped in an airport to me seems ironic.

[CRNDLSM]

I couldn't wrap my head around birds staying in an airport, and me leaving a city forever, cause the birds aren't leaving but I sure am, so I won't be listening long. Then in my head I put a comma after leaving, and the forever applied to listening to the traffic instead and the whole thing made more sense.

[brynmawr1]

Sparrows in the concourse,
they sneaked in and now,      consider 'wandered'  less intentional than 'sneaked'
trapped,                            these two lines are saying the same thing.  I would recommend focusing on an image that conveys trapped such as the birds flying window to window.
they cannot fly away
from that airport.
It's like hearing the radio
telling the traffic problems
of a city you aim to leave, forever   stronger word here eg want, need, have....



Original

Sparrows sometimes live in airports
but they cannot fly away;
It’s like hearing the radio
telling you the traffic problems
of a city you’re leaving forever

Hi Aschueler,
I think this poem has potential and is close but need some refocusing of images to set up the last lines.  Made some suggestions above.  I hope you edit and repost.
bryn

[Bunx]

Does this have to do with electric migration theory
Are sparrows a symbol for the stuck or poor
Or the internet?

I like it I want more