Weeds and Wild Flowers (edit and new Title)

[brynmawr1]

Weeds and Wild Flowers

4x8’ beds raised and lacking 
tomatoes or beans, or even
the cooperative zucchini
tending to the wretched
 
dead nettle and spotted spurge
I turned towards wild flowers; 
a sprinkling of a mixture sown 
 
with such anticipation of sprouting
that might lend itself
to an easier harvest.  Each morning searched
 
for tender shoots, the waving hands
of young dicots of the wanted;
but these feral grounds, they confuse
 
growing comingled; anonymous,
allowed to fester 
among the greater good; free
to steal sunlight,
divert nutrient soil,
pilfer the kindness from rain.
 
What to cull 
when each bright sprout might be nothing
but promise?
 
Keenly I analyze
each developing pattern of leaf,
stalk and form to determine
its future worth, but each grows 
 
green as the next, tall as the next.
Tight little fists budding determination,
weed and wild flower.  I find myself lost
 
in the anticipation, exploration,
the ongoing blooming
kaleidoscope of simple truths.

Wild Weeds of the Northeast Sanctuary

This summer due to my lack
of growing tomatoes, or beans,
or even the ever abundant
zucchini, I tend my garden
of two, 4x8’ raised beds, towards
wild flowers.  A sprinkling, I feel,
 
of a mixture sown with such anticipation
of sprouting might lend itself
to an easier harvest.  Each morning I look
 
for tender shoots trying to distinguish
the young dicotyledons of the wanted
from the others--
but these feral grounds, they confuse.
 
How to cull 
when each bright sprout might be nothing
but promise?
 
When they grow comingled; anonymous
interlopers free to fester 
among the greater good;
free to steal
sunlight, nutrient soil,
a watering rain?  With a keen eye,
 
each developing pattern of leaf,
stalk and form is analyzed to determine
a future worth, but each grows
 
green as the next, tall as the next
all budding tight little fists
of defiance.  I find myself lost
 
in the anticipation, in the exploration,
in the ongoing blooming
kaleidoscope of simple truths.

Not sure anyone will be happy with this edit!  Sorry Mark, went from 6 stanzas to 9.  Not sure why this is in BOLD.

[Mark A Becker]

Hello Steve-
First impression: leave yourself out of the poem and let the garden images grow on me: N as an outside observer.
No time for in-line comments right now. More later...
Mark

[Mark A Becker]

OK Steve- I'll give it a shot


This summer due to my lack comma after summer
of growing tomatoes, or beans,
or even the ever abundant
zucchini, I tend my garden
of two, 4x8’ raised beds, towards
wild flowers. A sprinkling, I feel, The whole first, intro stanza does not feel like a poem to me. I'd expand on wild flowers

of a mixture sown with such anticipation
of sprouting might lend itself
to an easier harvest. Each morning I look Unfortunately forgettable

for tender shoots trying to distinguish tender shoots could be expanded on
the young dicotyledons of the wanted
from the others--
but these feral grounds, they confuse. You could work this in, too

How to cull
when each bright sprout might be nothing This, as well
but promise?

When they grow comingled; anonymous
interlopers free to fester Why not just say weeds?
among the greater good;
free to steal
sunlight, nutrient soil,
a watering rain? With a keen eye,

each developing pattern of leaf,
stalk and form is analyzed to determine
a future worth, but each grows

green as the next, tall as the next Rework these last two stanzas, and build into it without six stanzas
all budding tight little fists
of defiance. I find myself lost

in the anticipation, in the exploration,
in the ongoing blooming
kaleidoscope of simple truths. This is an interesting phrase

Sorry I can't offer more, Steve, but I need more imagery and less 'method', if that makes sense. The poem is worth the effort, but needs a lot of pruning.

Mark

[Bunx]

This reminds me of my favorite MT poet Chris La Trays
"The Coffee Weed" I do agree this poem is not about you
But about plants. Make that the focus leave our pronouns as much as possible


Love the ideas and themes!

[bianca.a.palmisano]

This has shades of Mary Oliver to it, both in content and rhythm, so my instinct is to suggest that you hew to the simple. A lovely start!

Wild Weeds of the Northeast Sanctuary

This summer due to my lack -- agree to add the comma after summer
of growing tomatoes, or beans,
or even the ever abundant
zucchini, I tend my garden
of two, 4x8’ raised beds, towards  -- might actually make this line "of 4x8' raised beds towards," removing the commas and the word two
wild flowers.  A sprinkling, I feel,
 
of a mixture sown with such anticipation
of sprouting might lend itself
to an easier harvest.  Each morning I look  -- such sweetness in this stanza
 
for tender shoots trying to distinguish
the young dicotyledons of the wanted -- dicotyledons took me out of the rhythm here; I would use the more common dicots
from the others--
but these feral grounds, they confuse.
 
How to cull 
when each bright sprout might be nothing
but promise?  -- I love this stanza
 
When they grow comingled; anonymous
interlopers free to fester 
among the greater good;
free to steal
sunlight, nutrient soil,
a watering rain?  With a keen eye,

I'd rework this stanza a bit because the alliteration of free to fester actually comes out sounding odd. My suggestion, feel free to ignore:
When they grow comingled; anonymous

interlopers steal sunlight, 
divert nutrient soil
from the greater good
pilfer a watering rain.  With a keen eye,

each developing pattern of leaf,
stalk and form is analyzed to determine  -- this is where I diverge from the crowd because I actually like the pronouns/author's presence in the poem and would like to see it more here, rather than the passive voice
a future worth, but each grows
 
green as the next, tall as the next
all budding tight little fists  -- beautiful phrase
of defiance.  I find myself lost
 
in the anticipation, in the exploration,
in the ongoing blooming   -- simplified the grammar here, again, maybe just a personal preference
kaleidoscope of simple truths.

[brynmawr1]

Thanks everyone for reading and commenting.  I am in the process of editing and your comments/perspectives are helpful.  Stay tuned!

[brynmawr1]

Edit posted

[Mark A Becker]

Hello Steve- getting closer. I like the expanded version, yet I have suggested some pruning, below:

4x8’ beds I raised- no tomatoes
or beans, or even
the cooperative zucchini-
I've turned towards wild flowers;
a sprinkling of a mixture sown

with much anticipation
of sprouting. Each morning
I searched for tender shoots,
the raised hands of young dicots.
But feral weeds confuse -

growing comingled, anonymous
among the greater good - free
to steal sunlight, divert
nutrient soil, pilfer kindness
from rain.

What to cull? Each bright sprout
might be nothing but promise.

I keenly analyze each
developing pattern of leaf,
stalk, and form, to determine
its future worth, but each grows
green as the next, tall as the next.

Tight fists of budding determination -
weed and wild flower. I find myself
lost in examination, tested
by the blooming kaleidoscope
of simple truths.

[brynmawr1]

Hello Steve- getting closer. I like the expanded version, yet I have suggested some pruning, below:

4x8’ beds I raised- no tomatoes
or beans, or even
the cooperative zucchini-
I've turned towards wild flowers;
a sprinkling of a mixture sown

with much anticipation
of sprouting. Each morning
I searched for tender shoots,
the raised hands of young dicots.
But feral weeds confuse -

growing comingled, anonymous
among the greater good - free
to steal sunlight, divert
nutrient soil, pilfer kindness
from rain.

What to cull? Each bright sprout
might be nothing but promise.

I keenly analyze each
developing pattern of leaf,
stalk, and form, to determine
its future worth, but each grows
green as the next, tall as the next.

Tight fists of budding determination -
weed and wild flower.  I find myself
lost in examination, tested
by the blooming kaleidoscope
of simple truths.

Hi Mark,
Thanks for coming back and again making detailed comments/suggestions.  Not sure I am ready to cut some of my darlings yet!  Time for some rumination.
Thanks
steve

[Knot]

Hi Bryn,
I like the subject, but this would almost certainly benefit from pruning.
One question, do you need to mention the fruit/vegetables in S1? They vanish from the poem, never to return, and beginning with L4 (which should be starting S2 not ending S1) would certainly grab the reader.

tending to the wretched ................... 'tending' seems a bit, well tender.
dead nettle and spotted spurge
I turned towards wild flowers;

with such anticipation
sprouting might lend itself
to an easier harvest.

- I think 'feral grounds' confuses. And quite how the previously mentioned raised beds could be considered 'feral' is a mystery.
Also, what is the 'harvest'? I can see that word working when it was a vegetable plot, but for flowers? Not convinced.
Lastly, what, for N is the difference between a weed and a wild flower?

but each grows green
as the next, tall
as the next. Tight

little fists budding,
I find myself caught between
weed and wild flower.

in the anticipation, exploration, ......... second 'anticipation'
the ongoing blooming
kaleidoscope of simple truths. ........... like the sentiment, but the ending ... needs weeding.


Best, Knot


.

[Bunx]

"Simple" truths within a complicated poem.
The truth I get are weeds and wildflowers are a matter of opinion. Mastering a garden is mastering chaos?

Though I see words like "fists" and rectangles (city blocks) and I think of city blocks maybe graffiti artists or even gangs vs mural artists. When a property owner (in our world) would love a "Banksy". Whoever is the most visible gets the most attention or sun? It's like the gardener is playing God or giving up on it.

I feel like wanted or weed could be an alternative title. Invasive weeds in nature destroy wild flowers, herbs,  ect. This could symbolically could be about gangs or gentrification depending on the reader / city planner / gardeners might tell you to plant separately. I really love this poem and my ideas of the "extra". As the writer you might want to know where one may take this "simple" poem
Thanks for the edits and read

[Grady VanWright]

Clarity in the Metaphor, while the metaphor of the garden is compelling, some lines blur its intended meaning. For instance, "allowed to fester among the greater good; free to steal sunlight" introduces a moral ambiguity that might benefit from refinement. Is the focus on the weeds' rebellion or the gardener's struggle to define worth?

Certain sections feel slightly overextended, such as "keenly I analyze each developing pattern of leaf, stalk and form to determine its future worth." Trimming could heighten the impact and prevent the rhythm from dragging.The poem builds tension beautifully but leaves the reader in a perpetual state of anticipation. 

Consider adding a moment of resolution or insight to give the exploration more narrative or emotional closure.While abstraction enriches the poem's philosophical undertones, it occasionally overshadows the tangible imagery. More tactile details, like the scent of the soil or the texture of the leaves, could anchor the reader further.

[brynmawr1]

Clarity in the Metaphor, while the metaphor of the garden is compelling, some lines blur its intended meaning. For instance, "allowed to fester among the greater good; free to steal sunlight" introduces a moral ambiguity that might benefit from refinement. Is the focus on the weeds' rebellion or the gardener's struggle to define worth?

Certain sections feel slightly overextended, such as "keenly I analyze each developing pattern of leaf, stalk and form to determine its future worth." Trimming could heighten the impact and prevent the rhythm from dragging.The poem builds tension beautifully but leaves the reader in a perpetual state of anticipation. 

Consider adding a moment of resolution or insight to give the exploration more narrative or emotional closure.While abstraction enriches the poem's philosophical undertones, it occasionally overshadows the tangible imagery. More tactile details, like the scent of the soil or the texture of the leaves, could anchor the reader further.

Hi Grady,
Welcome to the Pen!  Thanks for your insightful comments.  I had almost forgotten about this one.  Your suggestions have sparked new interest and have given me some specific areas to focus on.
Take care,
Bryn