Flowers

[DanGWoodle]

Some heartache, sadness, sleeplessness and an attempt to feel a loved one's grief bore this.  I haven't written poetry since grade school and wrote 5 poems this week. 
Thanks in advance for any critique or just a general reaction. Be honest, I'm not attached to this so don't worry about hurting my feelings, just wanted to see what others thought.


This winter will end
They always do

The cold evening frosts
Make way to morning dew

The endless dark days
Grow back into warm

The grey black abyss
Yields a first springs storm

Some patches of ice
May never go away

But the melting of snow
Will sprout flowers one day

[Bunx]

Some heartache, sadness, sleeplessness and an attempt to feel a loved one's grief bore this.  I haven't written poetry since grade school and wrote 5 poems this week. 
Thanks in advance for any critique or just a general reaction. Be honest, I'm not attached to this so don't worry about hurting my feelings, just wanted to see what others thought.


This winter will end
They always do

The cold evening frosts
Make way to morning dew

The endless dark days
Grow back into warm

The grey black abyss
Yields a first springs storm

Some patches of ice
May never go away

But the melting of snow
Will sprout flowers one day

Hey Dan, I write aton of cell phone poems so I know when when I see one. My first critique would be punctuation. I think of this as an all or nothing thing. Proper nouns breed "proper boring sentences". With so many similarities between symbols and themes it would be good to distinguish them. My other critique is about the theme. I'd argue your poem would stand out more if you add what the symbolism is about. Your saying the same thing in a lot of the same ways. How about this

The grey black abyss
Yields a first springs storm

Some patches of ice
May never go away

My emotions aren't black,
white, but gray

colors are allowed shades
of blue I will love anew.

A void contrast to a heart wishing 
not goodbye to a bird that flew.


Anyways some ideas you are the master of your work.

Thanks you for your feedback and read.

[carahmellow]

Some heartache, sadness, sleeplessness and an attempt to feel a loved one's grief bore this.  I haven't written poetry since grade school and wrote 5 poems this week. 
Thanks in advance for any critique or just a general reaction. Be honest, I'm not attached to this so don't worry about hurting my feelings, just wanted to see what others thought.


This winter will end
They always do

The cold evening frosts
Make way to morning dew

The endless dark days
Grow back into warm

The grey black abyss
Yields a first springs storm

Some patches of ice
May never go away

But the melting of snow
Will sprout flowers one day

When i first read this, I thought wow, this is such a perfect poem to encapsulate the transition of seasons.. but It feels a little bit cliche. Then I read the first part and realized it was supposed to be about grief. Which is great actually, I do like that metephor, but I think it might work even better if you were able to tie grief into it somehow so the reader understands the intent. Sometimes just adding a title can help.

[JustSomeRandomGuy]

I really like the message of the poem and how it is conveyed---the first and fifth couplets are especially powerful---though I feel like the second, third, and fourth couplets are a bit redundant as they are all kind of saying the same thing, just in different ways. You could possibly truncate those to make the message of the poem a bit more succinct. Other than that, the poem is perfectly fine the way it is, but I think it would be interesting to see how you could take the current direction of the poem with seasonal and weather metaphors and develop it further.

[Meus]

Hey there,

I agree on punctuation, either all or nothing on the below, so ditch the caps or tidy it up

Love the poem though, reads very well and I'm a big fan of the ending:

'But the melting of snow
Will sprout flowers one day'

[Gerryswo]

Stanza 1
Since winter is singular, “winters always do” feels more appropriate to me. You’d be repeating the word “winter” I don’t see that as an issue.
Stanza 2
Frost doesn’t really become dew
Stanza 3
You’re comparing darkness to warmth, but dark days are not necessarily cold, so this comparison doesn’t really fit.
Stanza 4
Where did the “great black abyss” come from? All your other comparisons were weather related.
Stanza 5
This is probably meant to relate to heartbreak, but ice patches will always go away (hearts heal).
Stanza 6
Nice ending (a rebirth of love?)

Nicely done. I like how you tried to use weather as a metaphor for love, but I think some of your comparisons missed the mark. There was a positive outlook to your poem, love springs eternal, but said in your own words.