Drifter

[SpruceMoose]

V2
Threads of fate cinching tightly,
Weaving us together flesh to flesh
Laid bare backed on bedrock 
Building our home.

But can I be a cornerstone
With a heartshaped flake?

An easy going smile
My prized poker face
Your heart bursting with passion
Is easy to throw away

I'm numb to the pull
A stray told to stay

Wandering the cosmos
An errant shooting star.
Not meant for your hands
And too far for the heart.

Hang on a little longer
Anchor to the deep.
Or restless wings will carry me
Away in my sleep.

Remind me to stay
When I long to leap.

Silt slips through fingertips
And so can I.

Your eager threads pull tighter
Until the old me is gone
_________________________

Threads of fate cinching tightly
Weaving us together flesh to flesh
Laid bare backed on bedrock 
Building our home

But how can I be a stone
With a heartshaped flake

An easy going smile
My prized poker face
Your heart bursting with passion
Is easy to throw away

I'm numb to the pull
A stray told to stay

Subject to parallax
A lonely shooting star
Not meant for your hands
And too far for the heart

Hang on a little longer
Anchor to the deep
Or restless wings will carry me
Away in my sleep

Remind me to stay
When I long to leap

Silt slips through fingertips
And so can I

Hold me tighter
Until the old me is gone

[Collapsed We Swear]

Threads of fate cinching tightly
Weaving us together flesh to flesh — I don't think the words "fate" or "weaving" should ever be used in a contemporary poem. I know ordinary nouns and verbs can't technically be "cliche", but using "fate" or "weave" in a poem, without joycean levels of skill and self-awareness, is at the very least lazy.
Laid bare backed on bedrock 
Building our home —despite what I just said, I actually like this opening. "Cinching" is a brilliant choice of word in this context. In fact, this whole opening stanza, regardless of the cliches, is well done. And obviously the cleverness and originality of "laid bare backed" helps nullify the previous cliches. 

But how can I be a stone
With a heart shaped flake — flake? I'd find a synonym for that if I were you. 

An easy going smile —Cliche.
My prized poker face — Cliche.
Your heart bursting with passion —Cliche.
Is easy to throw away —Cliche.

I'm numb to the pull
A stray told to stay —I like this line "a stray told to stay". You obviously like internal rhymes. They rarely work. And I'm not entirely convinced this one works within the entirety of the poem, but I still like it.

Subject to parallax —Luckily, I know what parallax is, but I still had to look it up after reading this, just to make sure. So, if you are writing poems for people to pat you on the back and congratulate yourselves on how clever you both are for remembering a word you heard once, then keep it. But if you want someone to read this and actually feel something, maybe try another line. 
A lonely shooting star—Shooting star? Seriously?
Not meant for your hands
And too far for the heart

Hang on a little longer
Anchor to the deep
Or restless wings will carry me
Away in my sleep

Remind me to stay
When I long to leap

Silt slips through fingertips
And so can I

Hold me tighter
Until the old me is gone—All the rest is good. I didn't want to like it. But ultimately I did. But, read more poems. Don't fall for cliche (even though it sounds good) and read loads of Joyce and Beckett. 

[SpruceMoose]

Threads of fate cinching tightly
Weaving us together flesh to flesh — I don't think the words "fate" or "weaving" should ever be used in a contemporary poem. I know ordinary nouns and verbs can't technically be "cliche", but using "fate" or "weave" in a poem, without joycean levels of skill and self-awareness, is at the very least lazy.
Laid bare backed on bedrock 
Building our home —despite what I just said, I actually like this opening. "Cinching" is a brilliant choice of word in this context. In fact, this whole opening stanza, regardless of the cliches, is well done. And obviously the cleverness and originality of "laid bare backed" helps nullify the previous cliches. 

But how can I be a stone
With a heart shaped flake — flake? I'd find a synonym for that if I were you. 

An easy going smile —Cliche.
My prized poker face — Cliche.
Your heart bursting with passion —Cliche.
Is easy to throw away —Cliche.

I'm numb to the pull
A stray told to stay —I like this line "a stray told to stay". You obviously like internal rhymes. They rarely work. And I'm not entirely convinced this one works within the entirety of the poem, but I still like it.

Subject to parallax —Luckily, I know what parallax is, but I still had to look it up after reading this, just to make sure. So, if you are writing poems for people to pat you on the back and congratulate yourselves on how clever you both are for remembering a word you heard once, then keep it. But if you want someone to read this and actually feel something, maybe try another line. 
A lonely shooting star—Shooting star? Seriously?
Not meant for your hands
And too far for the heart

Hang on a little longer
Anchor to the deep
Or restless wings will carry me
Away in my sleep

Remind me to stay
When I long to leap

Silt slips through fingertips
And so can I

Hold me tighter
Until the old me is gone—All the rest is good. I didn't want to like it. But ultimately I did. But, read more poems. Don't fall for cliche (even though it sounds good) and read loads of Joyce and Beckett. 

Thank you so much for your feedback!!

[bianca.a.palmisano]

Broad notes: I like the rhyme scheme here. It doesn't feel forced and does offer a pleasant rhythm to the piece. I'm excited to see how you revise this and where you take it. I feel like it has the opportunity to be longer if you want. Good luck!

Threads of fate cinching tightly
Weaving us together flesh to flesh
Laid bare backed on bedrock 
Building our home

But how can I be a stone
With a heartshaped flake  <-- I think you bounce around with your metaphors a lot and I would actually like to see you develop this one, especially because the "laid bare on bedrock" line above echoes it. What makes you a stone? Is the heartshaped flake chipped off by this partner anchoring you down? Or is it engraved into the stone? Does it feel like a weakness? A strength? I feel like if you build out this idea, the next paragraph you can mostly get rid of because it has a lot of shallow imagery. There's strength in focusing on one idea.

An easy going smile
My prized poker face
Your heart bursting with passion
Is easy to throw away

I'm numb to the pull
A stray told to stay

Subject to parallax <-- would agree with Collapsed We Swear that I don't think the word parallax is helping you here, it obscures rather than clarifies your meaning
A lonely shooting star
Not meant for your hands
And too far for the heart

Hang on a little longer
Anchor to the deep  <-- again, I think you can come back to stones here. Like, stones sink, they anchor, maybe something else in place of the "hang on a little longer" line, which doesn't have much texture to it
Or restless wings will carry me
Away in my sleep

Remind me to stay
When I long to leap

Silt slips through fingertips <-- your focus comes back here! Rocks wear down into silt, the people who love us change our form, but you frame it as a bad thing, because silt slips away from you. Maybe this metaphor can be tilted the other direction, where silt is a good thing? I like the slipping through your fingers language, but the internal coherence is missing
And so can I

Hold me tighter
Until the old me is gone

[SpruceMoose]

I have a v2 up, posted above.
Moved things around a little and changed words to see how it would sit.