Summer Concerto - edit

[dukealien]

Summer Concerto


Well-watered trees
swaying their thousands
of leaf-greened boughs
asynchronously
conducting symphonies
which wind whistles
without comprehension
or false applause.

original version;

Well-watered trees
each sway thousands
of leaf-greened boughs
asynchronously
conducting symphonies
which wind whistles
without comprehension
or false applause.

[busker]

The hyerbolic 'thousands' jars.
Also, dropping the definite article personifies the wind, and I can't help but think that the 'W' should be capitalised.

But otherwise, nice one. Particularly the last line.

[dukealien]

edit;


Well-watered trees
swaying their thousands
of leaf-greened boughs
asynchronously
conducting symphonies
which wind whistles
without comprehension
or false applause.

---

The hyerbolic 'thousands' jars.
Also, dropping the definite article personifies the wind, and I can't help but think that the 'W' should be capitalised.

But otherwise, nice one. Particularly the last line.

Hyperbole corrected (assuming a good-sized grove).  I see your point about capitalizing Wind, but it diverges from the way I picture the wind (as a force or influence, not a person or entity).  I may be wrong about this - any other critics agree or disagree?