Posts: 750
Threads: 408
Joined: May 2014
Crow had asked for a live example to crit. I purposely picked something outside of the norm. (if there is a norm)
*** This is not my work. I will credit appropriately as we go...
Man, Machine, Poem
See?
It works
in monkeys.
You're right
again
but it is a thin win.
Man Machine Poem
Breathtake-
Ingly
the Egg Thief.
His wins
are thin
avocet and peregrine.
Man Machine Poem
Yer beau-
tiful
terrific.
Your eyes
empty
Pacifics.
Man Machine Poem
Man Machine Poem
Posts: 952
Threads: 224
Joined: Aug 2016
06-10-2024, 10:45 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-10-2024, 10:45 AM by CRNDLSM.)
Did you choose the format? You make it work (I looked up the song) pre hearing, my first thought for clarity was to rewrite it as:
See? It works
in monkeys.
You're right again
but it is a thin win.
BreathtakIngly
the Egg Thief.
His wins are thin
avocet and peregrine.
Yer beautiful terrific.
Your eyes empty Pacifics.
Man Machine Poem
Man Machine Poem
So when translated to song you can include the 'man machine poem' as a refrain, it's still written as a repeat, but it's condensed fot clarity on paper. Is it still the same poem? I don't know, maybe if the author did it
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
Posts: 337
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Joined: May 2013
I can sing this but the syllables really to do it cover bars also if I was writing this ballad?? Is make sure to sing gospel style
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
Posts: 750
Threads: 408
Joined: May 2014
(06-23-2024, 02:47 AM)Bunx Wrote: I can sing this but the syllables really to do it cover bars also if I was writing this ballad?? Is make sure to sing gospel style
Man, Machine, Poem
See?
It works
in monkeys.
You're right
again
but it is a thin win.
Man Machine Poem
Breathtake-
Ingly
the Egg Thief.
His wins
are thin
avocet and peregrine.
Man Machine Poem
Yer beau-
tiful
terrific.
Your eyes
empty
Pacifics.
Man Machine Poem
Man Machine Poem
