Posts: 340
Threads: 204
Joined: May 2013
05-13-2024, 04:39 PM
The Way They See
Sitting, my cat looks
sideways at me with
calm solidarity.
I'm getting use to the feeling
of moisture in my eyes.
It's proof I'm human
realizing emotional traction.
My soul is dormant
somewhere in this skin.
I see, what
they feel
through my art.
Scars frequencies
compressed sentiment
resonate spirits.
Painting a
soundscape
reflecting walls
a genesis of burdens.
Their vocal vibrations
are WAV files
reflecting the weather
across an ocean.
Ballads reflect stories
or a product
that was sold.
I've helped with both.
Knowingly or not.
For preachers,
pastors, and
companies too.
Children
martyrs of innocence
soiled joy
he sacrificed
your stories
to justify his.
Trauma bonding
is fucking overrated.
Just hold me.
the World
Moisture drys
after our hang.
Realization
evaporates in silence
holding me
rubbing my back.
covered in tears
Our eyes meet
a heart beat
reflects waveforms
songs of solidary.
I blurt out
"Im getting feelings".
Ex bandmate
looks, reminds.
"You know
We......
Met on tindr right?"
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
Posts: 894
Threads: 176
Joined: Jan 2021
(05-13-2024, 04:39 PM)Bunx Wrote: The Way They See
Sitting, my cat looks
sideways at me with
calm solidarity. very cool first line/stanza
Getting use to the feeling maybe "I'm getting used to...."
of moisture in my eyes.
Proof I'm human maybe "It's proof...."
realizing emotional traction.
Coping there maybe "I'm coping here"
somewhere in this skin.
I see, what
they feel
through my art.
Scars frequencies do you mean "Scars' frquencies", that is "the frequencies of scars"?
resonate spirits. another nice line/stanza
Painting a
soundscape
reflecting walls
a genesis of burdens. cool phrase
Their vocal vibrations
resonate my heart. since you used resonate already, maybe a different word here: echo, reverberate, vibrate?
Ballads reflect stories
or a product
that was sold. These two lines puzzle me
I've helped with both.
Knowingly or not.
Inside arches and
crosses stations
looking down
on me. what exactly is looking down on you, crosses or stations?
Childs ghosts.
Martyrs of innocence
stolen joy
he sacrificed
your stories
to justify his. good line/stanza
Trauma bonding
is fucking overrated.
Just hold me.
the World
Moisture drys
after our hang.
Realization
evaporated in silence evaporates?
holding me
rubbing my back.
covered in tears
Our eyes meet
a heart beat
reflects waveforms
songs of solidary. solidarity another of my favorite stanzas
I blurt out
"Im getting feelings".
Ex bandmate
looks, reminds.
"You know
We......
Met on tindr right?"
Hi Bunx,
I really like the split title, cutting this poem into two sections, the first part (mostly) dealing with seeing, the second with "the World".
TqB
Posts: 340
Threads: 204
Joined: May 2013
Tranq thannks you aton for the edits, I did a little re-wording based off you're and expanding the themes and took out a stanza
lmk what you think
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
Posts: 894
Threads: 176
Joined: Jan 2021
(05-13-2024, 04:39 PM)Bunx Wrote: The Way They See
Sitting, my cat looks
sideways at me with
calm solidarity.
I'm getting use to the feeling
of moisture in my eyes.
It's proof I'm human
realizing emotional traction.
My soul is dormant good edit
somewhere in this skin.
I see, what
they feel
through my art.
Scars frequencies think you could/should cut "frequencies"
resonate spirits.
Painting a
soundscape
reflecting walls
a genesis of burdens.
Their vocal vibrations
are WAV files
reflecting the weather
across an ocean. I like this new stanza
Ballads reflect stories
or a product
that was sold.
I've helped with both.
Knowingly or not.
For preachers,
pastors, and
companies too. the added lines help a lot with understanding "...a product/that was sold" in previous stanza
Children
martyrs of innocence
soiled joy
he sacrificed
your stories
to justify his.
Trauma bonding
is fucking overrated.
Just hold me. personally, I'd like to see this stanza cut. it editorializing that's out of place here.
the World
Moisture drys
after our hang.
Realization
evaporates in silence
holding me
rubbing my back.
covered in tears
Our eyes meet
a heart beat
reflects waveforms
songs of solidary.
I blurt out
"Im getting feelings".
Ex bandmate
looks, reminds.
"You know
We......
Met on tindr right?"
Hi again,
Yep, good edit which I hope is reflected in my comments above.
TqB
Posts: 340
Threads: 204
Joined: May 2013
(05-13-2024, 04:39 PM)Bunx Wrote: The Way They See
Sitting, my cat looks
sideways at me with
calm solidarity.
I'm getting use to the feeling
of moisture in my eyes.
It's proof I'm human
realizing emotional traction.
My soul is dormant
somewhere in this skin.
I see, what
they feel
through my art.
Scars frequencies
compressed sentiment
resonate spirits.
Painting a
soundscape
reflecting walls
a genesis of burdens.
Their vocal vibrations
are WAV files
reflecting the weather
across an ocean.
Ballads reflect stories
or a product
that was sold.
I've helped with both.
Knowingly or not.
For preachers,
pastors, and
companies too.
Children
martyrs of innocence
soiled joy
he sacrificed
your stories
to justify his.
Trauma bonding
is fucking overrated.
Just hold me.
the World
Moisture drys
after our hang.
Realization
evaporates in silence
holding me
rubbing my back.
covered in tears
Our eyes meet
a heart beat
reflects waveforms
songs of solidary.
I blurt out
"Im getting feelings".
Ex bandmate
looks, reminds.
"You know
We......
Met on tindr right?"
Added a lil detail to frequency hoping to bring out why I used it
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
Posts: 340
Threads: 204
Joined: May 2013
Awe Tranq <3 thanks for the feedback. I'll send one up to ya too.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
