(hidden message)

[Mark A Becker]

(hidden message)

hi sweetie
thanks
for holding me close
to your heart

now smile

(message in a bottle)

hi sweetie
thanks
for holding me close
to your heart

now smile

[Lizzie]

Is it a liquor bottle?

[Mark A Becker]

Is it a liquor bottle?

I did not expect that response, Lizzie.

Perhaps the title should be ‘time capsule’

[rowens]

Successful love affairs are hard to market in poetry.


Why, don't get offended, but, if I was satisfied with another human being as much as you seem to be, poetry would be the soft nothings I exhaled when she got home at night without having  found another man or having died. And I'd forget those brief verses soon after.

[Mark A Becker]

Thanks for the comments, rowens.

I like hiding little love notes because I’m a shameless romantic, ie fool for love.

One day, after I’m gone, I’m just guessing that my lifelong mate will find this one. And I do hope she will smile.

If she goes first, I will search for her message to me. And I will smile when I find it.

After more than 45 years together one would think we’d be done with this kind of silliness.

But one would be wrong.

sparks! sparks! sparks!

[Lizzie]

I have to agree with rowens. If a couple has a really great relationship, it's between the two of them. Unfortunately, troubled relationships are more relatable. At least a bit of ambivalence (in the true sense of having strong feelings that are at odds with one another, not apathy). 

I don't have a quick fix. I would consider what you want from your wider audience. We all want to shout our passionate love from the rooftops; unfortunately, most who hear will close their windows and put their earbuds in. 

P.S. Do people smile on demand? Maybe there's an inside joke that would bring the smile naturally.

[Mark A Becker]

There have been many soul crushing moments in our time together, but I didn’t feel like airing out the dirty laundry at this time.

This one is for those of us who stand proudly together, in aging naked bodies, fling open the windows, and howl at the moon.

It does not reveal the scars of our past, but it does help soften the blows that lie ahead.

That’s my story and I’m stickin to it. Silly me…

ps. We’ve been through enough heavy shit to really appreciate small pleasures, and simple kindness.

[Quixilated]

(message in a bottle)

hi sweetie
thanks
for holding me close
to your heart

now smile

I like sweet love poems like this where it’s a snapshot of the everyday love of real people.  I do like it better knowing the backstory.  Perhaps I am too literal, but the title made me think of an actual message in a bottle (as in found on a beach by a stranger), so I was very confused until you explained. I know it’s suppose to be a short poem, but the part about hiding the messages and waiting for them to be found makes the poem so much sweeter and gives it depth.  Is there a way to put that knowledge into the poem for the reader (in only a few words)? That knowledge would also add clarity to the “message in a bottle” title.  Or does making it longer mess up the form too much?

[Mark A Becker]

Thanks folks-
Changed the title- didn’t know what to call these little poems, so I just called it something- they don’t actually have titles.

There are more hidden messages, but I’ll keep em to myself. They all start ‘hi sweetie’, so that could be a title, too.

[Lizzie]

This one is for those of us who stand proudly together, in aging naked bodies, fling open the windows, and howl at the moon.

This is a nice line. Would make a good conclusion or opening. Gives you a vivid core image and cogent central theme. I would like to read this poem.