Midnight Oil

[TranquillityBase]

Midnight Oil

Unnerved
held in check
by science and doubt
seeking consolation
in a thunderstorm
whose kingdom of rain
erases all pain.
Kaleidoscoped alarm
assassinates hesitation
sky raptured without,
a deliberate wreck
on a silent curve.

Midnight Oil



Unnerved

held in check

by science and doubt

seeking the consolation

of a thunderstorm

whose kingdom of rain

erases all pain

kaleidoscope of alarm

assassinates hesitation

sky raptured without

an unlikely wreck

on a silent curve.

[brynmawr1]

Midnight Oil

Unnerved
held in check
by science and doubt
seeking the consolation
of a thunderstorm
whose kingdom of rain
erases all pain
kaleidoscoped alarm          I verbed it, not sure it's a word but....
assassinates hesitation
sky raptured without
an unlikely wreck         maybe better word than 'unlikely'
on a silent curve.

Good morning,
Another good one.  Not much to suggest.  I bolded my most favoritest parts.  
take care,
steve

[TranquillityBase]

Midnight Oil

Unnerved
held in check
by science and doubt
seeking the consolation
of a thunderstorm
whose kingdom of rain
erases all pain
kaleidoscoped alarm          I verbed it, not sure it's a word but....
assassinates hesitation
sky raptured without
an unlikely wreck         maybe better word than 'unlikely'
on a silent curve.

Good morning,
Another good one.  Not much to suggest.  I bolded my most favoritest parts.  
take care,
steve

Thanks Bryn,

I've edited it.  I got the dreaded red underline for "kalaidoscoped", but I'm ignoring it.  We have the inalienable right to coin new words.  Although I'm pretty sure I've seen "kalaidoscoped" before.

Thanks for the read and the suggestions; they improved it.

TqB 

[Mark A Becker]

Hi Tim-
The poem concludes for me at “erases all pain.”
I suggest “cleanses my pain” to keep it personal.
The lines after that are not necessary, for me.
They seem like part of another poem, or separate thoughts.

Just my 2 cents,
Mark

[TranquillityBase]

Hi Tim-
The poem concludes for me at “erases all pain.”
I suggest “cleanses my pain” to keep it personal.
The lines after that are not necessary, for me.
They seem like part of another poem, or separate thoughts.

Just my 2 cents,
Mark

Thanks Mark,

I tend to agree.  The additional lines were intended to complete a rhyme pattern; first line rhyming with last, second line with next to last, etc.

Tim

[O. M. Geezersnaps]

I feel like this is one of those poems that has a key which unlocks all the sense in it. But, it's not under the doormat, not in a planter on the patio, no garden gnome in the yard.

Maybe there's one of those little key keepers that looks like a toad or something, nestled under a shrub....

[TranquillityBase]

I feel like this is one of those poems that has a key which unlocks all the sense in it. But, it's not under the doormat, not in a planter on the patio, no garden gnome in the yard.

Maybe there's one of those little key keepers that looks like a toad or something, nestled under a shrub....

Thanks OMG,

This made my morning.  I think perhaps I left the key inside and locked the door without checking my pocket.

TqB