sweet dream

[Mark A Becker]

sweet dream

from a
distance
faintly
humming
comes a
presence
gently
strumming

passed on
among
my thoughts
your song
is sung
not lost

very slight revision of an old poem.
very loosely modeled on an Italian sonnet, written in monometer.
Accents of octave & sestet are intentionally reversed to imply different voices
near rhymes and spondees applied where needed
Punctuation left out

[Tiger the Lion]

Sweet Dreams

From a
distance
faintly
humming
comes a
presence
gently
strumming

Passed on
among
my thoughts
your song
is sung
not lost

very slight revision of an old poem.
very loosely modeled on an Italian sonnet, written in monometer.
Accents of octave & sestet are intentionally reversed to imply different voices
near rhymes and spondees applied where needed
Punctuation left out

Quick comment. I think the non-punctuation makes more sense if you also remove the 2 instances of uppercase. The first strophe has a ring of "The Raven" to it- but in a nice way.

[Mark A Becker]

Quick comment. I think the non-punctuation makes more sense if you also remove the 2 instances of uppercase.

I agree Paul. I was hoping someone would say that. done

[TranquillityBase]

Sweet Dreams

from a
distance
faintly
humming
comes a
presence
gently
strumming

passed on
among
my thoughts
your song
is sung
not lost

very slight revision of an old poem.
very loosely modeled on an Italian sonnet, written in monometer.
Accents of octave & sestet are intentionally reversed to imply different voices
near rhymes and spondees applied where needed
Punctuation left out

Minor quibble but maybe title should be singular (sweet dream) and also not capitalized.

[Mark A Becker]

Minor quibble but maybe title should be singular (sweet dream) and also not capitalized.

I agree on that, too. Thanks Tim. done.