The Bore Confesses - edit

[dukealien]

The Bore Confesses


Old age distresses:
remembering stories, but not
which I’ve told to whom.

original version;

Old age distresses:
remembering stories, but not
who I’ve told them to.

[brynmawr1]

The Bore Confesses


Old age distresses:
remembering stories, but not
who I’ve told them to.

Dad, is that you?  

Good one Duke.

[TranquillityBase]

The Bore Confesses





Old age distresses:

remembering stories, but not

who I’ve told them to.

I'd suggest a title change.  

There's a difference between a "bore" and an elder who simply doesn't remember he's told the story before.  I spend a hour every day at the dog park with a 90-year old ex-Navy gentleman.  I've heard many of his stories multiple times.  I don't consider him a bore.  His stories, even the second or third time around, are told with the same excitement or humor, and are interesting and fun.  A bore is a dullard, someone who tells you uninteresting things and won't shut up, especially the latter.

I like the poem, it's quite piquant.

The bore confesses
and talks to no end, to no one,
hears nothing he says.  

[Mark A Becker]

Hello duke-

It's been awhile, and I'm glad to read you again.

Not to be a bore, but I'd prefer to see that last line offer a bit more of a twist to the first two. Don't think you need the title, either. Only minor quibbles, though- I'll live

Good to see ya around,
Mark

[dukealien]

edit;

Old age distresses:
remembering stories, but not
which I’ve told to whom.

---

Yes, that last line was weak.  Hope this is a better twist (more information).

At the risk of being defensive,

Remember, this is a self-confessed bore, one who (unlike an even older gentleman per @TranquilityBase) is aware of how he's slipping... and it hurts.  Not an Ambrose Bierce bore (per The Devil's Dictionary) who is someone who talks when we whish he'd listen instead.

Hello duke-

It's been awhile, and I'm glad to read you again.

Not to be a bore, but I'd prefer to see that last line offer a bit more of a twist to the first two.  Don't think you need the title, either. Only minor quibbles, though- I'll live

Good to see ya around,
Mark

I haven't been gone, just lurking and playing at a different hobby - surprisingly time-consuming.  Now to get back on the critique train...