String lights

[Semicircle]

String lights

Look hard enough and see
what you thought were stars
are really screens
dangling from cords that
unravel with the sky

and now you're aware
a new light shines.

[Mark A Becker]

String lights

Look hard enough and see
what you thought were stars at night  'stars at night' is a bit redundant, because that's when we usually see them
are really screens

and once you've seen through their disguise  hmmm?? unsure what's happening here. The image in yer head is very unclear in mine.
they'll reveal this all wasn't real 'all' is too general a word choice, I'm afraid
and give you a prize.  c'mon slicer. really?

Hey slicer-
Straining for that rhyme at the end messed up what started out as an interesting idea.  Tell me a little more about the screens so that your finish will add more punch, and make more sense. Forget about feeling the need to rhyme, and let me picture what's on your mind.

[Semicircle]

Thanks Mark, rhyming is often reflexive for me.

You have a knack for compressing poems.

-slicer

[Poetry In Motion]

Beautiful. But something about the last line needs to be replaced from 'prize' to trophy as that reads better.

My only quibble.

[Semicircle]

Thanks for the suggestions, I decided to rework this one a little.

Tell me what you think
Sc

[TranquillityBase]

String lights

Look hard enough and see
what you thought were stars
are really screens
dangling from cords that
unravel with the sky.

and now you're aware
a new star shines.

I like what you're saying here and how you're saying it.  I'm a bit unsure how you are using "screens"....lot of different meanings, some of which clash with your title.

Also, the last line loses some of its punch since you've already used "stars" as an image at the beginning.

TqB