Phantom Pain Syndrome

[71degrees]

Been there since last Sunday,
the abandoned shoe
in a 45 mph zone less
than a mile from home—

no one stops, no one cares,
it’s still there the next Sunday
and the following Sunday as well,
a fickle calypso of surrender

and you wonder where the foot went,
perhaps severed, bleeding, the owner erased—
and what about the leg, thigh, reproduction
organs, any eager thoughts cut-off like November
daylight, moving away from the owner
in a broken sky of January

Maybe the shoe is a concept of God: a gift
for a laborer, an image for a poet, a lost breath
of an asthmatic—

in search of innocence, you imagine
it was owned by the beautiful girl
you knew in 1977, she a mirage

bruising your ego, your manhood, more
smoke than substance, the definitive
production of lost virginity

as painful as the sight of the unclaimed
shoe, its history as mysterious as the missing
person that may or may not have existed

[TranquillityBase]

Been there since last Sunday,
the abandoned shoe
in a 45 mph zone less
than a mile from home—

no one stops, no one cares,
it’s still there the next Sunday
and the following Sunday as well,
a fickle calypso of surrender                      my favorite line

and you wonder where the foot went,
perhaps severed, bleeding, the owner erased—
and what about the leg, thigh, reproduction
organs, any eager thoughts cut-off like November
daylight, moving away from the owner
in a broken sky of January                          in a broken January sky?

Maybe the shoe is a concept of God: a gift
for a laborer, an image for a poet, a lost breath
of an asthmatic—

in search of innocence, you imagine            wonder?
it was owned by the beautiful girl
you knew in 1977, she a mirage                  maybe make this a question; "was it owned....?

bruising your ego, your manhood, more
smoke than substance, the definitive
production of lost virginity                       symbol?

as painful as the sight of the unclaimed
shoe, its history as mysterious as the missing
person that may or may not have existed                 

Hi 71,

I've bolded the lines that struck me most powerfully.  I think ending, starting with "its history...." needs rethinking.  The person must have existed, so for me that last bit falls flat.  Overall, I think the poem could do with some reduction.

TqB

[71degrees]

Thanks for thoughts, highlights, & suggestions, Base. Gotta' tell ya' I laughed at the symbol? comment....it was most definitely a 'production'...but, again, Thanks.

[Mark A Becker]

Hello degrees-
Within your piece I found another poem- a very shortened version of yours, with very slight changes. I hope you don't mind that I took liberties, degrees : 

Been there since last Sunday,
the unclaimed shoe, less
than a mile from home.
It’s still there the next Sunday.

One wonders where the foot went.
Maybe the shoe is an image for a poet
in search of innocence. I imagine
it was owned by a beautiful girl

I once knew- a mirage of lost virginity-
an abandoned shoe.

[71degrees]

I would agree w/the piece within the piece. One can always find something if one is looking. Thanks for looking.