Ghosted

[ZHamilton]

We were always ghosts, somehow.
Nearby, yet often invisible. 
A quiet haunting of small talk
And looks exchanged in passing,
When no one else was in the hallway. 

Immaterial, until a Summer night by the lake
when we took form.
No longer invisible. 
On the mirrored water, we saw ourselves, once. 

But as sunrise drives ghost to grave, 
So we returned, and remained, disembodied wraiths. 
Now silent. 
Without a funeral, am I bound here? An anchored vapor? 

Years have passed.  
But now, your picture appears, and I am reminded…
“Would you like to wish ______ a happy birthday?” 
And it seems you are still here, somehow.

[TranquillityBase]

We were always ghosts, somehow.

Nearby, yet often invisible. 

A quiet haunting of small talk

And looks exchanged in passing,

When no one else was in the hallway. 



Immaterial, until a Summer night by the lake

when we took form.

No longer invisible. 

On the mirrored water, we saw ourselves, once. 



But as sunrise drives ghost to grave, 

So we returned, and remained, disembodied wraiths. 

Now silent. 

Without a funeral, am I bound here? An anchored vapor? 

Some suggestions:

s. 1:  pretty perfect as is

s. 2:

Immaterial, until a Summer night by the lake
when we took form, no longer invisible.
We saw ourselves once on the mirror of the water .

s.3:


But as sunrise drives ghost to grave, 
we again became disembodied wraiths. 
Are we bound here? Anchored vapors? 

s.4


Years have passed.  
But now, your picture appears, and I am reminded… 
And it seems you are still here, somehow.

I think the last stanza is the weakest.  My suggestion doesn't really change that.  I'd work on that one a bit more.

TqB

[alonso ramoran]

We were always ghosts, somehow.
Nearby, yet often invisible. 
A quiet haunting of small talk 
And looks exchanged in passing,
When no one else was in the hallway. 

Immaterial, until a Summer night by the lake
when we took form.
No longer invisible. You probably don't need this line
On the mirrored water, we saw ourselves, once. I like TqB"s edit of "mirror of the water". Also, it seems like this stanza is missing something though, but only because of how short it is. Maybe you could combine it with the next stanza?

But as sunrise drives ghost to grave, 
So we returned, and remained, disembodied wraiths. Comma not needed
Now silent. 
Without a funeral, am I bound here? An anchored vapor? I like the idea behind "anchored vapor" but I wonder if you could experiment with the phrasing more. "Anchored" makes me think of something heavy, which probably isn't how you'd want to characterize vapor

Years have passed.  
But now, your picture appears, and I am reminded…
“Would you like to wish ______ a happy birthday?” Stylistic suggestion but how about instead of having underscores you just leave it blank? Ex.: "Would you like to wish          a happy birthday?"
And it seems you are still here, somehow.

Thank you for the read,

Alex

[Miley]

Hello, thank you for sharing... I think you do a good job with the ghost metaphor, I also think maybe the title is a little too clever, and I wonder if ghost aren't a little cliche, see the justin bieber song "If i cant be close to you/ I'll settle for the ghost of you" I mostly indicated parts to be cut, and left  a few comments

We were always ghosts, somehow.
Nearby, yet often invisible. 
A quiet haunting of small talk
And looks exchanged in passing,
When no one else was in the hallway.  This line makes me think of highschool, funny how much space highschool hallways occupy in my mind... This first stanza is my favorite.

Immaterial, until a Summer night by the lake
when we took form.
No longer invisible. 
On the mirrored water, we saw ourselves, once. 

But as sunrise drives ghost to grave, 
So we returned, and remained, disembodied wraiths. This poem does a great job of keeping up the ghost metaphor consistently. I'm not a fan of wraith here, mostly because it feels like a way of avoiding ghost again, but also because it connotates wrath for me, which dosn't feel appropraite to the quit ethereal tone of the poem.   
Now silent. 
Without a funeral, am I bound here? An anchored vapor?

Years have passed.  
But now, your picture appears, and I am reminded…
“Would you like to wish ______ a happy birthday?”  This line makes me think of facebook
And it seems you are still here, somehow.

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Z-
Due to the ethereal nature of ghosts, I think you need to go sparser.  I'll try to retain your words while subtracting the ones that got in the way. When I do that, I find myself without a satisfying ending...


We were always ghosts-
a quiet haunting of small talk-
looks exchanged in passing;
no one else in the hallway.

A summer night by the lake
we took form
on the mirrored water-
saw ourselves

?????

The last two stanzas lose it for me, and I'm not sure how you can resolve this poem, yet it would be worth your effort.

Mark