Bouquet

[Xlateralus]

Bouquet

Funny thing about flowers
and a woman’s wanting

What a thing to admire —
this reception of sacrificed bloom
a temporary wonder of sight and smell

then rot.

She only offers lust when they are pretty and plucked.
Dropped in a vase perfectly cut.

It seems she has little use 
for them once wilted but she 
wont be the one who takes the garbage out.

And yet this is a symbol of my love.

[s3]

Hm. as a woman, I think: "a woman's wanting" is part universal, part societal, part biological. You could say that for most of history, "a woman's wanting" has been an oxymoron. And now she wants flowers, but not really. what to do?

"She only offers lust when they are pretty and plucked" . many men could say this about women themselves. same for, "It seems she has little use for them once wilted". why can't a woman want and use something the same way men have always wanted and used women? is that misandry to say? coming from someone who holds women who won't take the trash out in high, high contempt. (I work in the restaurant industry.)

"she won't be the one who takes the garbage out" . Funny line upon first viewing, introspective afterwards. yes, the woman wants and apparently the woman gets. whose fault is that?

I like this poem. flowers as a symbol of your love. Because women are incapable of asking for more? -- or because men are incapable of giving more? -- or just personal incompatibility?

--

as for actual crit, I don't have much. well-written. the line breaks in particular.

[brynmawr1]

Bouquet

Funny thing about flowers
and a woman’s wanting

What a thing to admire —                dash not needed, the pause only separates from next line which actually detracts
this reception of sacrificed bloom
a temporary wonder of sight and smell

then rot.                 I think you could cut this.  implied by the surrounding lines

She only offers lust when they are pretty and plucked.
Dropped in a vase perfectly cut.
It seems she has little use             But
for them once wilted.

And Yet this is a symbol of my love.

Hello,
Welcome back.  Very nice piece.  Made some suggestions above.  I would also consider switching S1 with S2
thanks,
bryn

[Xlateralus]

Thank you all for the comments.

[ZHamilton]

Xlateralus- I enjoyed the piece and thought the edits provided so far do strengthen it. One suggestion is to consider whether the last line, "yet this is a symbol of my love," should be "yet these are a symbol of my love." It seems that we are talking about the flowers, not the bouquet as a whole, at that point (based on the lines above, "dropped in a vase, perfectly cut" and "she has little use for them once wilted"). And, if so, then using the plural would be more suitable.

[Poetry In Motion]

Bouquet

Funny thing about flowers
and a woman’s wanting

What a thing to admire —
this reception of sacrificed bloom
a temporary wonder of sight and smell

then rot.

She only offers lust when they are pretty and plucked.
Dropped in a vase perfectly cut.

It seems she has little use 
for them once wilted but she 
wont be the one who takes the garbage out.

And yet this is a symbol of my love.

Haha, good poem indeed. It seems to be about symbolism (love definitely) I like it! Just some quibbles:

- Wont needs to be spelt like this: won't? Also good work I don't find it anything objectifiy or jarring in any way other than the latter.

Thanks for sharing.

(p.s I really like the theme and how it is something refreshing in terms of all these love poems being done to death with the same theme same everything pretty much)