SOS (retro pigmas)

[CRNDLSM]

H  motion sickness
U c  unsettling lunch
N o
G l
R d  projectile vomit S
Y  slippery footing l C
                                o A
                                s R
  Explosive waves  t  E
Lurching darkness  D


  N floating aimlessly P
O w washed ashore i  L
O h                              a  E
N e                              m  A
E  r                              a  S
K  e                              l  E
N  i                                i  H
O a                              v  E
W m passing planes e L
  S shattered screams P


S  survival instincts
T f  abandon hope
I  i
C r
K e inedible insects S
S broken stomach s T
                                  a O
                                n N
finished  flailing  d  E
barely breathing  S

[Semicircle]

H  motion sickness              Very strong start to SOS, everything is a confused blur.
U c  unsettling lunch            unsettled
N o
G l
R d  projectile vomit S
Y  slippery footing l C           Floor, the gerunds add action but used sparingly have more impact.
                                o A
                                s R
  Explosive waves  t  E
Lurching darkness  D            Lurching isn't the right image I think, since darkness on the ocean spreads like ink on paper, slow and gradual. Maybe unfurling or blotching?


  N floating aimlessly P           Switch aimlessly and floating around.           
O w washed ashore i  L
O h                              a  E
N e                              m  A
E  r                              a  S
K  e                              l  E
N  i                                i  H
O a                              v  E
W m passing planes e L
  S shattered screams P                  Maybe silent screams, since they are unheard.


S  survival instincts
T f  abandon hope                 Abandon hope is cliche and weak.
I  i
C r
K e inedible insects S
S broken stomach s T
                                  a O
                                n N
finished  flailing  d  E                    Exhausted
barely breathing  S                      Gurgled 

Obviously, you don't need me tell you this is good. I'm sure you've been told. Direct poems like this are my favorite! With a little more unique wording the action reads much more satisfying. Also, to upscale the hopelessness in movies, often in these scenarios, the camera pans up to show the vastness of the environment compared to the person, so, I consider a faraway approach to the reader's viewpoint as the character becomes more and more racked with anxiety.

I'm not touching the structure; it is very effective, forcing the reader to look closely and realize the pain the character is experiencing.

Thanks for the read!
SC