Ever Where

[TranquillityBase]

Everything leads to 
something else
here in Nowheresville
except the river
that steals through it
sleek as a secret reptile
that finds itself in a temporary cage.

Elsewhere brings us
a step closer to the invisible,
the steep bank 
where grasses console the mud,
an abandoned bicycle
resting in the roots of a cypress.

One stream feeds another
until the river goes south into wilderness,
freed from the anthropoid 
into its divine plan of rock and tree 
past the plains of fire
into the Gulf of pure existence.

We feed ourselves
on its disappearance
praying to the breeze across our faces.

[rowens]

Everything leads to 
something else
here in Nowheresville
except the river
that steals through it
sleek as a secret reptile
that finds itself in a temporary cage.

Elsewhere brings us
a step closer to the invisible,
the steep bank 
where grasses console the mud,
an abandoned bicycle
resting in the roots of a cypress.

What occurs to me is putting the last two lines at the beginning of this stanza and making a silent simile:

An abandoned bicycle
resting in the roots of a cypress,
Elsewhere brings us
a step closer to the invisible,
the steep bank 
where grasses console the mud.




One stream feeds another
until the river goes south into wilderness,


You could flirt with saying to or on instead of into. Into may be correct, but to or on gives it a unique buzz.



freed from the anthropoid 
into its divine plan of rock and tree 
past the plains of fire
into the Gulf of pure existence.


Maybe the into here is not necessary. Though maybe you are using the word into as a joint that the segments of the poem are turning on.

Otherwise, simply:

past the plains of fire,
the Gulf of pure existence.

Hell, even:

Past plains of pure fire
into the Gulf of existence.

And it already works as you have it. And what you have sounds best.

We feed ourselves
on its disappearance
praying to the breeze across our faces.

[Semicircle]

Everything leads to 
something else     
here in Nowheresville
except the river
that steals through it
sleek as a secret reptile
that finds itself in a temporary cage.

Elsewhere brings us
a step closer to the invisible,
the steep bank 
where grasses console the mud,
an abandoned bicycle
resting in the roots of a cypress.  ...............This stanza rocks!!! 

One stream feeds another
until the river goes south into wilderness,    .......Before this was a river, but now streams are leading up to it. It's hard to tell where Nowheresville begins or ends.
freed from the anthropoid 
into its divine plan of rock and tree 
past the plains of fire
into the Gulf of pure existence.     ................ I'm not a fan of pure existence, maybe 'clear' existence?

We feed ourselves
on its disappearance
praying to the breeze across our faces.

This poem rocks, every inch of it. Probably my favorite of your collection.
Only had to gun down one 'the' this time.

Struggled to find much wrong with it, hopefully I was helpful.

Good show,
Sc.

[Torkelburger]

Everything leads to 
something else
here in Nowheresville
except the river
that steals through it
sleek as a secret reptile
that finds itself in a temporary cage.

Elsewhere brings us
a step closer to the invisible,
the steep bank 
where grasses console the mud,
an abandoned bicycle
resting in the roots of a cypress.

One stream feeds another
until the river goes south into wilderness,
freed from the anthropoid 
into its divine plan of rock and tree 
past the plains of fire
into the Gulf of pure existence.

We feed ourselves
on its disappearance
praying to the breeze across our faces.

I always enjoy your poems very much, this included.  I like what appears to be a good amount of symbolic imagery.


If I was to offer anything, it would be work with the enjambment either to make it more consistent (apparently, I’m OCD), or to reinforce the meaning/text.

I like the very first line ending with “to” as it reinforces the meaning of the text.  This kind of anticipation and/or hesitation in the writing I think could have been carried throughout the poem.  Like maybe L2 of S2, doing the same by ending the line after “closer to”.  Maybe some other places as well.  On that same note, it might be effective to keep with that feel by reducing the end stops/pauses at the end of lines and increasing the caesuras.  Maybe set up the tension by putting the caesura with “the invisible, the steep bank” as one line and then resolving the tension as you have it.  You could do the same with the next stanza with “into wilderness, freed from” and then resolve that tension with what you have.

[busker]

Everything leads to 
something else
here in Nowheresville
except the river
that steals through it
sleek as a secret reptile
that finds itself in a temporary cage. …. These couple of lines work very well 

Elsewhere brings us
a step closer to the invisible,
the steep bank 
where grasses console the mud,
an abandoned bicycle
resting in the roots of a cypress. ,… I like the consistency of ending each strophe with a tangible image

One stream feeds another
until the river goes south into wilderness,
freed from the anthropoid 
into its divine plan of rock and tree 
past the plains of fire
into the Gulf of pure existence. ….. explaining that the gulf is one of existence is unnecessary. I think the passage is rich enough to allow for some ambiguity

We feed ourselves
on its disappearance
praying to the breeze across our faces. …. Nice ending 

One of the best I’ve read in a while

[Savvi]

Everything leads to 
something else
here in Nowheresville Consider this being the opening line
except the river
that steals through it
sleek as a secret reptile I like the assonance in this line
that finds itself in a temporary cage.  is it stealing through or in a cage, I was a bit confused by this

Elsewhere brings us
a step closer to the invisible,
the steep bank 
where grasses console the mud,
an abandoned bicycle
resting in the roots of a cypress. this stanza is a solid image

One stream feeds another
until the river goes south into wilderness,
freed from the anthropoid good use of internal rhyme
into its divine plan of rock and tree 
past the plains of fire
into the Gulf of pure existence.

We feed ourselves
on its disappearance
praying to the breeze across our faces. I like the sensation captured in the close

Makes me think of wanting to get out of a dead end town, longing to follow the river to where ever it goes. Double use of Feed in the last two stanza could easily be changed but it works best in the last stanza, really enjoyed the imagery and I have added some comment above. Savvi