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Threads: 353
Joined: Sep 2014
I'm Not Nice
So many of the people know what is correct,
the nice people, they make things,
funny artwork and writings
pointing out all
the things
they're not.
They know. They are doing what nice people do,
pander to other nice people with evidence
that they know what they know
about what's pathetic,
in great detail.
It's nice to know.
To know and know
and know some more.
That's what nice people do.
They know what's correct.
And if all the awful people and awful characteristics went away
and only they were left,
they'd recall with dismay all the horrible things they know and continue doing the same thing they're doing now
in case the pathetic reoccurs somewhere.
If you see me, say what you want, that's what I'm here for,
for you anyway. You can get from me your best.
My heroes were all egotists. Mock me for wanting to be like them.
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(06-26-2022, 01:52 AM)rowens Wrote: I'm Not Nice
So many of the people know what is correct .... unecessary reiterating for the nice people
the nice people, they make things,
funny artwork and writings
pointing out all
the things
they're not.
They know. They are doing what nice people do, ..... 'they know' juxtaposed with the following statement is a bit confusing upon reread
pander to other nice people with evidence
that they know what they know
about what's pathetic,
in great detail.
It's nice to know.
To know and know
and know some more. ...... people who think they have a wide skillset are almost always arrogent, it's hard talking with people like that.
That's what nice people do.
They know what's correct.
And if all the awful people and awful characteristics went away
and only they were left,
they'd recall with dismay all the horrible things they know and continue living doing the same thing they're doing now .... this was phrased in a strange way, could be shortenned down to living, or something else. Artist's choice however.
in case the pathetic reoccurs somewhere.
If you see me, say what you want, that's what I'm here for,
for you anyway. You can get from me your best. .... again, unecessary reiteration
My heroes were all egotists. Mock me for wanting to be like them.
I always thought the mentality of, "I'm an egoist, let me tell you about it!" was funny.
Your writing style looks very impromptu and natural, so if I muddled it, blame my conventional niceness. The reiteration can be shortenned to make the poem read quicker imo.
The second and third strophe seem to be repeating themselves, possibly because that's what nice people do.
Posts: 404
Threads: 353
Joined: Sep 2014
The reiterations are there to give some poetic feel since there's no images or anything else poetic.
The second to last line isn't necessary for sound or logic, but to continue the swirl of yous/theys and mes.
I'm not much interested in arrogance. That would be something decent, if it was a boastful arrogance. It's the dry correct knowing that is indecent.
I imagine all those nitwits from those Grammarly commercials with a snarky sense of humor exchanging memes about people who smell bad on purpose around the water cooler. And the water cooler has a screen on it.
The people are here to be fodder for each other's art. Just as the organisms in my body live off each other, and that's me. I don't hate my enemies. Their hatred is restrictive. And their certainty is hell on Earth. And their knowledge voted for Hubert Humphrey. And they killed Jesus.
