The Old Know

[brynmawr1]

The Old Know
 
The old know how to fold a map,
to use a rotary phone and
untangle the cord.
 
They know the serenity in writing a letter,
the joy of receiving the reply,
the anticipation in between.
 
The old know that walking,
face in a phone is dangerous
so, they don’t.
 
They know how days are short
when long in years.
 
The old know the gift of loving for a lifetime,
and the loneliness of one left behind.
 
The old know the only thing worse
than death,
is not living.

[Semicircle]

The Old Know
 
The old know how to fold a map,
to use a rotary phone and
untangle the cord.
 
They know the serenity in writing a letter,
the joy of receiving the reply,
the anticipation in between.
 
The old know that walking,
face in a phone is dangerous  removing 'in a' adds a bit of humor.
so, they don’t.  Cut this
 
They know how days are short
when long in years.
 
The old know the gift of loving for a lifetime,
and the loneliness of being left behind.  The rhyme attempt here is out of place. 'For a liftime' is not needed.
 
never describe somebody as 'one' in youe poems, it is weak imo


The old know the only thing worse
than death,
is not living.

The old are the new young. We have yet to plug them into the network. It's a commin'

Thanks for the read, 
Sc

[busker]

The Old Know
 
The old know how to fold a map,
to use a rotary phone and
untangle the cord.
 
They know the serenity in writing a letter,
the joy of receiving the reply,
the anticipation in between. ... I like how between the second and third lines of this strophe there is a degree of anticipation here itself
 
The old know that walking,
face in a phone is dangerous
so, they don’t.
 
They know and(?) how days are short
when long in years.
 
The old know the gift of loving for a lifetime,
and the loneliness of one left behind.
 
The old know the only thing worse
than death,
is not living.

I think you could lose some of the 'they know's - suggestions above
The last strophe (in green) is cliched. The poem deserves a better ending.
Overall, a nice read

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Steve-
I think there are too many “the old know.”

I think I qualify, but still have a hard time folding maps. But I do love the feel and look of them. That said, the talking map lady on my phone is one of my best friends. She never gets pissed off if I miss a turn.

Plus, the rotary dial phones were a pain in the ass- I know how to use one, but I do not miss them.

I also see folks older than me (which would mean officially elderly) wandering around with faces stuck in phones. Talking loud, too.

This one is a bit too sentimental for me, though I very much like the line “the loneliness of one left behind.”

One thing ‘the old know’ very well is that mirrors don’t lie.

A bit of humor would go a long way in this one.

[brynmawr1]

The Old Know
 
The old know how to fold a map,
to use a rotary phone and
untangle the cord.
 
They know the serenity in writing a letter,
the joy of receiving the reply,
the anticipation in between.
 
The old know that walking,
face in a phone is dangerous  removing 'in a' adds a bit of humor.     I'm sorry, not sure what you mean here.
so, they don’t.  Cut this
 
They know how days are short
when long in years.
 
The old know the gift of loving for a lifetime,
and the loneliness of being left behind.  The rhyme attempt here is out of place. 'For a lifetime' is not needed.  I wasn't going for a rhyme.  The lifetime reference was to illustrate the benefit of loving someone over many many years, friend, partner, etc suggestions?
 
never describe somebody as 'one' in youe poems, it is weak imo


The old know the only thing worse
than death,
is not living.

The old are the new young. We have yet to plug them into the network. It's a commin'

Thanks for the read, 
Sc

SC,
thank you for your comments.

[Semicircle]

"Walking pace prone
to face phone"

It sounds funny to me.


In the case of loving for a lifetime say loving someone for a lifetime.
Otherwize I'm unsure what you are loving.

[brynmawr1]

The Old Know
 
The old know how to fold a map,
to use a rotary phone and
untangle the cord.
 
They know the serenity in writing a letter,
the joy of receiving the reply,
the anticipation in between. ... I like how between the second and third lines of this strophe there is a degree of anticipation here itself
 
The old know that walking,
face in a phone is dangerous
so, they don’t.
 
They know and(?) how days are short
when long in years.
 
The old know the gift of loving for a lifetime,
and the loneliness of one left behind.
 
The old know the only thing worse
than death,
is not living.

I think you could lose some of the 'they know's - suggestions above
The last strophe (in green) is cliched. The poem deserves a better ending.
Overall, a nice read

Thanks Busker.  Yeah, I was worried the repetition would annoy; guess I was right.  I was also worried the last part was too cliche but has a finality I liked.  These listing poems could go on forever.
best,
bryn

---

Hey Steve-
I think there are too many “the old know.”

I think I qualify, but still have a hard time folding maps. But I do love the feel and look of them. That said, the talking map lady on my phone is one of my best friends. She never gets pissed off if I miss a turn.

Plus, the rotary dial phones were a pain in the ass- I know how to use one, but I do not miss them.  I liked the sound they made but hurt my fingers.  I saw a funny video of two teenagers trying to figure out how to use one.

I also see folks older than me (which would mean officially elderly) wandering around with faces stuck in phones. Talking loud, too.

This one is a bit too sentimental for me, though I very much like the line “the loneliness of one left behind.”

One thing ‘the old know’ very well is that mirrors don’t lie.       This is a good one!

A bit of humor would go a long way in this one.

Hey Mark,

I hope you didn't find the poem patronizing.  I was thinking of writing a poem about folding a map cause it's a bitch, when it occurred to me that many younger people likely never have even tried or had to.  Which led me to think of other things that used to be so common and just aren't anymore.  None of the observations are meant to be truisms just common differences between young and old.  Thanks for reading and commenting, as always.
steve

[TranquillityBase]

The Old Know
 
The old know how to fold a map,
to use a rotary phone and
untangle the cord.
 
They know the serenity in writing a letter,
the joy of receiving the reply,
the anticipation in between.
 
The old know that walking,
face in a phone is dangerous
so, they don’t.
 
They know how days are short
when long in years.                                        We all age differently.  I find the days to be actually longer, at least they feel longer.
 
The old know the gift of loving for a lifetime,
and the loneliness of one left behind.
 
The old know the only thing worse
than death,
is not living.

I think some more examples would improve your poem.  I was going to argue about your last line, but the more I read it, the more sense it makes.  Perhaps the cell phone line would work better if it was an observation of everyone else with their phones in their faces, whereas the old remember when we talked to face to face.  I'm also thinking old people have certain priorities and the past is one of them.

My sister said to me, I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of dying.

Maybe you could use that.

I agree it's maybe too sentimental.  As another old person of my aquaintance liked to say, old age isn't for sissies.

TqB

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Steve-

You said, "I hope you didn't find the poem patronizing. "

I just think more humourous, less sentimental would work better.

No problem from me, really. I just think you left out some good opportunities for humor. But then, you need to be of a certain age to know that the old know:

- where the restrooms are in every store
- how almost funny it is to say, "oh shit, I forgot my teeth!"
- our way in the dark, because we can't find that damn light switch
- that yesterday was 'trash day', not today

etc, etc,

The old know that there are way more examples, but I also know that I forget what they are right now.

... Mark

[brynmawr1]

The Old Know
 
The old know how to fold a map,
to use a rotary phone and
untangle the cord.
 
They know the serenity in writing a letter,
the joy of receiving the reply,
the anticipation in between.
 
The old know that walking,
face in a phone is dangerous                  This was my attempt at humor!
so, they don’t.
 
They know how days are short
when long in years.                                        We all age differently.  I find the days to be actually longer, at least they feel longer.  Trying for a little double meaning here, mostly that time is short literally and metaphorically.
 
The old know the gift of loving for a lifetime,
and the loneliness of one left behind.
 
The old know the only thing worse
than death,
is not living.

I think some more examples would improve your poem.  I was going to argue about your last line, but the more I read it, the more sense it makes.  Perhaps the cell phone line would work better if it was an observation of everyone else with their phones in their faces, whereas the old remember when we talked to face to face.  I'm also thinking old people have certain priorities and the past is one of them.  One thought I had is about how frustrating it is to have been through something and then watch someone else go through it and not take your advice and struggle.  My kids do it all the time!

My sister said to me, I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of dying.  That is kind of what i was trying to get at with the last line. "not living" can mean a lot of different things to different people.  For my mom is was being stuck in a memory care facility during covid.

Maybe you could use that.           

I agree it's maybe too sentimental.  As another old person of my aquaintance liked to say, old age isn't for sissies.   So true

TqB

Thanks for your comments.  I found a post from Mark in which he referenced a poem, which I really liked, on the poetry foundation website.  Anyway, I was poking round the  website and found this and I thought you might enjoy it.  Cutting the Sun by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni | Poetry Foundation
Thanks again,
steve

[TranquillityBase]

Thanks for your comments.  I found a post from Mark in which he referenced a poem, which I really liked, on the poetry foundation website.  Anyway, I was poking round the  website and found this and I thought you might enjoy it.  Cutting the Sun by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni | Poetry Foundation
Thanks again,
steve

Thanks for the link to Cutting the Sun.  I both enjoyed it and want to read it again.

Tim

_____________________________________________________

Poetry Foundation's site is great.  I discovered Diane Seuss there:  https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrym...kyard-song

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Steve-
I'm glad you found the Poetry Foundation site, as it is useful in many ways.

I had pointed out to Tim, some time ago, a book by Robert Wallace and Michelle Boisseau, called Writing Poems. I know that you'd find it useful.

As pertains to your poem, use what you're learning to add detail, while maintaining your own voice.

Cool beans,
Mark

[brynmawr1]

Thanks for your comments.  I found a post from Mark in which he referenced a poem, which I really liked, on the poetry foundation website.  Anyway, I was poking round the  website and found this and I thought you might enjoy it.  Cutting the Sun by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni | Poetry Foundation
Thanks again,
steve

Thanks for the link to Cutting the Sun.  I both enjoyed it and want to read it again.

Tim

_____________________________________________________

Poetry Foundation's site is great.  I discovered Diane Seuss there:  https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrym...kyard-song

Hey Tim,
Backyard song is a great example of the type of poem I would love to write.  So filled with relevant imagery but still so simple and focused.  My weakness is feeling like I need to write the next great american novel in a single poem.  What i need to do is write the human experience one experience at a time.  Until I figure that out, I plan to cut wood and carry water!
peace out,
steve

---

Hey Steve-
I'm glad you found the Poetry Foundation site, as it is useful in many ways.

I had pointed out to Tim, some time ago, a book by Robert Wallace and Michelle Boisseau, called Writing Poems.  I know that you'd find it useful.

As pertains to your poem, use what you're learning to add detail, while maintaining your own voice.

Cool beans,
Mark

Hi Mark,

Already ordered!  Thanks for all of your insight.  My own voice!  If you find it, send it my way.  So many ideas, not sure how to execute.  The clarity, focus and execution of the work on poetry foundation is astounding.  Daunting, but also gives me a path forward.  It shows me what is possible.
Thanks,
steve

---

Hey Steve-
I'm glad you found the Poetry Foundation site, as it is useful in many ways.

I had pointed out to Tim, some time ago, a book by Robert Wallace and Michelle Boisseau, called Writing Poems.  I know that you'd find it useful.

As pertains to your poem, use what you're learning to add detail, while maintaining your own voice.

Cool beans,
Mark

PS "The old know all you need is one good story."  
thought of that after talking to my dad for an hour!