A Pattern of Endings

[adillweed]

I can look through you like glass,
Or spend all my time
Imagining pictures in all of your smudges.
But in the end
I'm always more mesmerized by the scenery
And know there are windows and building out there
Much more beautiful than you.
I'm no good with anything fragile;
It's bound to break beneath my feet.
Does this make me heartless?
I really don't know.

(I'm a bit unfamiliar with when punctuation is necessary or what would be most influential rather than just line breaks. I'm also unsure if I even want to keep the last two lines. When I was writing I was more so journaling and I don't think it flows well. Thanks for reading!!)

[penneddown]

I can look through you like glass, glass is a bit cliche
Or spend all my time
Imagining pictures in all of the your  smudges. Grease and smudges? Can you extend this image somehow and make it more interesting? 
And yet, I'm always more mesmerized by the scenery,
and know there are windows and buildings out there
much more beautiful than you.
I'm no good with anything fragile;
It's bound to break beneath my feet.
Does this make me heartless?
I really don't know.


I would remove the ending, it doesn't really work. I think I can see where you are going with this poem, but it could do with some more interesting imagery to lift it from where it currently stands. 

[Caravano]

This needs a lot more concrete images to hold the reader.
I can look through you like glass,
Describe the person or scene and maybe have some distorted element as reflection.
Or spend all my time
Imagining pictures in all of your smudges.
Instead of talking about a picture, show the reader a picture. 
But in the end
I'm always more mesmerized by the scenery
And know there are windows and building out there
Describe your window and building. Is it brick? Are the windows old or new?
Much more beautiful than you.
Are (her) windows old or new? Is (her) building brick? 
I'm no good with anything fragile;
Maybe you drop something fragile, literally?
It's bound to break beneath my feet.

Let your word choice as you build imagery invoke most of the conceptual meaning. 
Use imagery with a topical meaning to build a inner conceptual meaning.

[Joyful Noise]

I would suggest steering away from using a simile in the first line--perhaps replace with
I look through you, my glass

Or spend all my time

Replace "imagining" with "conjuring up" or some other more descriptive term/phrase
Imagining pictures in all of your smudges.

Reword:
And yet
(The buildings or whatever you choose to describe) steal my gaze from you

Reword or delete this portion
And know there are windows and building out there
Much more beautiful than you.

I like this line
I'm no good with anything fragile;

What is bound to break? Maybe choose something specific
It's bound to break beneath my feet.
Does this make me heartless?
I really don't know.

[VikaJigulina]

I would suggest steering away from using a simile in the first line--perhaps replace with
I look through you, my glass

Or spend all my time

Replace "imagining" with "conjuring up" or some other more descriptive term/phrase
Imagining pictures in all of your smudges.

Reword:
And yet
(The buildings or whatever you choose to describe) steal my gaze from you

Reword or delete this portion
And know there are windows and building out there
Much more beautiful than you.

I like this line
I'm no good with anything fragile;

What is bound to break? Maybe choose something specific
It's bound to break beneath my feet.
Does this make me heartless?
I really don't know.

I definitely agree with a lot of what youre recommending, the poem albeit okay in its raw form needs a lot more emotion and description. its lacks personality a bit but has a great foundation to build off of. A wonderful idea to capture.

[Iamrj]

I can look through you like glass,
Or spend all my time
Imagining pictures in all of your smudges.
But in the end
I'm always more mesmerized by the scenery
And know there are windows and building out there
Much more beautiful than you.
I'm no good with anything fragile;
It's bound to break beneath my feet.
Does this make me heartless?
I really don't know.

(I'm a bit unfamiliar with when punctuation is necessary or what would be most influential rather than just line breaks. I'm also unsure if I even want to keep the last two lines. When I was writing I was more so journaling and I don't think it flows well. Thanks for reading!!)

Hi, so just testing the waters here Myself but my two cents. There are two lines I stumbled over as rough patches

“And know there are windows and building out there” seems like the window should reveal beauty and the building is backdrop

“I'm no good with anything fragile” my touch(hand?) is too heavy for things fragile

[Semicircle]

I can look through you like glass,  Uncreative simile
Or spend all my time
Imagining pictures in all of your smudges.
But in the end
I'm always more mesmerized by the scenery
And know there are windows and buildings out there
Much more beautiful than you.
I'm no good with anything fragile;
It's bound to break beneath my feet.   Rework this line


Does this make me heartless?    Why crossed out?
I really don't know.

(I'm a bit unfamiliar with when punctuation is necessary or what would be most influential rather than just line breaks. I'm also unsure if I even want to keep the last two lines. When I was writing I was more so journaling and I don't think it flows well. Thanks for reading!!)

[Erthona]

"I'm a bit unfamiliar with when punctuation is necessary or what would be most influential rather than just line breaks."
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All the rules of grammar and punctuation that apply to clear and intelligible sentence production apply to poetry. Just because one is writing poetry does not mean that run-on sentences or sentence fragments (dependent clauses) are fine. The rules that govern writing in general apply. These rules have been worked out over time to give the most clarity to the writing. This is even more true with poetry.


best,

dale

[Wavey]

What grand perception. When you mentioned about imaging pictures from smudges, it reminded me of what i try to imagine when seeing ink blots. I look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you