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I blast Everything.
Clear ground,
live my Life.
I understand that one will come after me
and change everything that I've designed.
I give myself up to that one totally.
And I blast him.
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(03-27-2022, 09:49 AM)rowens Wrote: I blast Everything.
Clear ground,
live Life.
he'll come after me
and change my design
I submit
And blast him.
Using 'everything' twice was redundant.
I didn't understand why the narrator would care about 'the one'
changing everything he designed
since he was already blasting it.
I shortenned this poem
not because I necessarily think it should be this way
just so you can see how it looks.
Although, looking at it shortenned makes me feel
like there could be some more meat in between
the two stanzas.
What are your thoughts?
Posts: 432
Threads: 369
Joined: Sep 2014
I'm finishing up the series of poems on magical hierarchies. There are some short ones I made along the way.
Understanding corresponds to the place where you give up everything you are. Only You remain.
As the Robert Frost poem says, that would be good both going and coming back.
Everybody is the Source.