My old eyes are made curious again, chase the tiny sphere, watch with wonder the graceful ferocity of the pass, careful not to blink, my vision soon enough intercepted by tangled legs, lines and knots of heroes from many nations scattered across the green field in and out of lifetimes in constant motion.
I worship every player for a few seconds at a time, leaving my age and anxiety behind amid the measured conflict of their sudden collisions and the balletic footwork battles, all to careen the magic ball into attacks and counter-crossed retreats.
Especially I admire the stoic goalie, and dread the penalty kick, that seems too much like an execution; follow the commentators’ strange poetry and the thundering chants from massed spectators, like cinematic Zulus who threaten with distorted hymns.
I’m learning what it takes to make a goal, minutes that seem filled with hours of ceaseless effort to make a single point, but I just want to see the ball in play again a deliverance from infirmity and its inevitable relegation.
I wanted to grow old without going mad. I did not learn the lessons of middle-age, at least not properly, and a psychiatrist has become a life sentence.
So I turn spectator, something called English Premier League, I, who’ve hated sports since I was old enough to be picked last for any team now revel in a game I barely understand.
My eyes chase the ball, watch with wonder the beautiful pass, careful not to blink. I admire the stoic goalie, and dread the penalty kick, follow the translators’ excitement and the obscure chants of the crowd.
Secretly, I’m in love with every player for a few seconds at a time, leaving age and anxiety behind amid the heroics of their runs, kicks, collisions and rolling agonies.
Only one refusal remains: a goal leaves me cold,
the celebration seems almost tragic. I just want to see the ball again in play to take me away from what is gently called relegation.
Being first generation American, my dad, who was Austrian, got us into soccer way back in the '60's. It took a very long time before "kick ball", as I call it, became available on a regular basis on US media, like YouTube TV.
I now record Premiere League, Champions League, and World Cup qualifying matches and watch em whenever I feel like it. Sorta weird that the World Cup will be in November this year, but I digress...
Good to see you on board watching. Nothing like seeing a sporting event without constant commercial interruption, too.
Some green comments below:
I wanted to grow old
without going mad. me too I did not learn the lessons
of middle-age, at least not properly, I really love these lines
and a psychiatrist has become a life sentence.
So I turn spectator,
something called English Premier League,
I, who’ve hated sports
since I was old enough to be picked
last for any team Good turn from the previous line. And any kid hates that feeling.
now revel in a game I barely understand. Sort of a filler stanza, but it offers needed context.
My eyes chase the ball,
watch with wonder the beautiful pass, This line is a bit clumsy, I'm afraid.
careful not to blink.
I admire the stoic goalie,
and dread the penalty kick, Ahh, but a save off a penalty is a wondrous sight.
follow the translators’ excitement Translator? The games I watch are in English.
and the obscure chants of the crowd. Obscure? Most home fans seem to know em.
Secretly, I’m in love with every player Everybody secretly loves Luis "The Biter" Suarez. Not a fan of the prima donas, though
for a few seconds at a time,
leaving age and anxiety behind
amid the heroics of their runs, kicks, Maybe "footwork/passes" instead of "kicks"
collisions and rolling agonies. "rolling agonies" aka "diving". I personally hate any stoppage in play. But there are definitely genuine crashes and injuries.
Only one refusal remains:
a goal leaves me cold, Hmm. Even the build-up to the spectacular ones?
the celebration seems almost tragic. Minimum show-boating please, but "tragic"?
I just want to see the ball again in play Seems like you're beginning to understand the game.
to take me away
from what is gently called
relegation. Great twist of an ending!
I must add that I can be a fan of any sport, as long as I'm entertained. It's usually better if I don't have a "dog in the fight", as they say (whoever they are).
.
Hi TqB,
Enjoyed the read. Is it worth polishing? I think so, but your call.
It's a satisfying ending, but the opening verse lets it down. I don't think it really answers the 'why' in 'I turn spectator ... '
I'd suggest revisiting 'beautiful' (L13), football is 'the beautiful game', so ... perhaps an alternative?
I like the idea of football being played/commentated on in a foreign language (S3) and needing a 'translator' (and it works with the 'inaccurate language' ... 'runs, kicks, collisions' indeed! Though 'rolling agonies' is very nice.)
Why 'secretly' (S4, who are you hiding it from, and why)?
What does 'even on refusal' mean? (S5).
I like your 'gently ... relegation' ( no-one who supports a club in such straits views it as anything other than brutal. It works well from the 'foreign observer' pov though.)
(ignoring the first verse)
I, who’ve hated sports
since I was old enough to be picked
last for any team now revel in a game
I barely understand.
I'm a spectator of something ..................... if 'revel' then surely you're a 'fan' not a mere spectator?
called The English Premier League,
(not ignoring the first verse)
I want to grow old
without going mad.
I never learnt the lessons
of middle-age,
not properly,
psychiatry
a life sentence.
03-06-2022, 09:50 AM (This post was last modified: 03-06-2022, 09:58 AM by TranquillityBase.)
(03-05-2022, 12:03 PM)Mark A Becker Wrote: Hey Tim-
Being first generation American, my dad, who was Austrian, got us into soccer way back in the '60's. It took a very long time before "kick ball", as I call it, became available on a regular basis on US media, like YouTube TV.
I now record Premiere League, Champions League, and World Cup qualifying matches and watch em whenever I feel like it. Sorta weird that the World Cup will be in November this year, but I digress...
Good to see you on board watching. Nothing like seeing a sporting event without constant commercial interruption, too.
Some green comments below:
I wanted to grow old
without going mad. me too I did not learn the lessons
of middle-age, at least not properly, I really love these lines
and a psychiatrist has become a life sentence.
So I turn spectator,
something called English Premier League,
I, who’ve hated sports
since I was old enough to be picked
last for any team Good turn from the previous line. And any kid hates that feeling.
now revel in a game I barely understand. Sort of a filler stanza, but it offers needed context.
My eyes chase the ball,
watch with wonder the beautiful pass, This line is a bit clumsy, I'm afraid.
careful not to blink.
I admire the stoic goalie,
and dread the penalty kick, Ahh, but a save off a penalty is a wondrous sight.
follow the translators’ excitement Translator? The games I watch are in English.
and the obscure chants of the crowd. Obscure? Most home fans seem to know em.
Secretly, I’m in love with every player Everybody secretly loves Luis "The Biter" Suarez. Not a fan of the prima donas, though
for a few seconds at a time,
leaving age and anxiety behind
amid the heroics of their runs, kicks, Maybe "footwork/passes" instead of "kicks"
collisions and rolling agonies. "rolling agonies" aka "diving". I personally hate any stoppage in play. But there are definitely genuine crashes and injuries.
Only one refusal remains:
a goal leaves me cold, Hmm. Even the build-up to the spectacular ones?
the celebration seems almost tragic. Minimum show-boating please, but "tragic"?
I just want to see the ball again in play Seems like you're beginning to understand the game.
to take me away
from what is gently called
relegation. Great twist of an ending!
I must add that I can be a fan of any sport, as long as I'm entertained. It's usually better if I don't have a "dog in the fight", as they say (whoever they are).
Anywho, Tim, I really enjoyed this FUN one
Thanks for the notes, Mark and for the better word choices (e.g. diving, footwork). Yes, I already regret the bit about the goal..."tragic" is silly. I want to revise this. I started out wanting to do a "On first looking into Chapman's Homer" poem, only about soccer
(03-05-2022, 09:33 PM)Knot Wrote: .
Hi TqB,
Enjoyed the read. Is it worth polishing? I think so, but your call. Yes, going to work some more on this one. Enjoyed writing this but it's very much a first draft.
It's a satisfying ending, but the opening verse lets it down. I don't think it really answers the 'why' in 'I turn spectator ... ' OK....I'll try to clear that up.
I'd suggest revisiting 'beautiful' (L13), football is 'the beautiful game', so ... perhaps an alternative? Right-o
I like the idea of football being played/commentated on in a foreign language (S3) and needing a 'translator' (and it works with the 'inaccurate language' ... 'runs, kicks, collisions' indeed! Though 'rolling agonies' is very nice.) Still learning the language of the announcers or whatever they would/should be called. I'd actually like to include more of that in the poem, but that might be another poem.
Why 'secretly' (S4, who are you hiding it from, and why)? Myself mostly....I'm overcoming a lifetime of cynicism about the dsporting life.
What does 'even on refusal' mean? (S5). Refusing to get caught up in the excitement of the goal....something that is fast fading.
I like your 'gently ... relegation' ( no-one who supports a club in such straits views it as anything other than brutal. It works well from the 'foreign observer' pov though.)
Still learning the language of the announcers or whatever they would/should be called.
Usually 'commentators/co-commentators' ('announcers' would be those people/voices heard over the tannoy/p.a announcing team names/substitutions/missing children that sort of thing. Often heard in the background of a commentary.) The other term would be 'pundits' (more your studio based experts, former professionals, usually.). Then there are the 'reporters' on the touchline/pitchside.
I'd actually like to include more of that in the poem, but that might be another poem.
No need to pack everything into one piece. One of the charms of this poem is the 'wrong' language (which also reinforces the 'novice' viewpoint.) - let's those of us more familiar with the sport see it afresh. Be a shame to lose that.
Excellent. Never thought I'd be reading a poem about football (soccer) today. A bit confused about the last stanza and the goal, as it is those beauties that get us away from relegation. Trust me I'm a Newcastle fan, I know all about getting away from relegation.
Cheers for the read,
Mark
Do you have a team to support? If not then may I recommend Newcastle The next few years are going to be amazing since we became the richest football club in the world
(03-07-2022, 10:15 PM)ambrosial revelation Wrote: Do you have a team to support? If not then may I recommend Newcastle The next few years are going to be amazing since we became the richest football club in the world
Hey other Mark-
Since I’m American I’m partial to Chelsea (Pulisic)
That said I especially like the Champions League.
Also like any match that features Messi, though I can’t watch PSG very often where I live.
I rarely watch MLS cause it’s decidedly 2nd tier, but slowly gettin better.
…the other Mark
(03-07-2022, 10:15 PM)ambrosial revelation Wrote: Do you have a team to support? If not then may I recommend Newcastle The next few years are going to be amazing since we became the richest football club in the world
Hey other Mark-
Since I’m American I’m partial to Chelsea (Pulisic)
That said I especially like the Champions League.
Also like any match that features Messi, though I can’t watch PSG very often where I live.
I rarely watch MLS cause it’s decidedly 2nd tier, but slowly gettin better.
…the other Mark
Hi Mark, the American connection with Chelsea makes sense. Did you hear that the owner Abramovich has put them up for sale last week due to the clamping down on Russian assets abroad, so if you've got a spare £4 billion
Newcastle play Chelsea next saturday and although we're unbeaten in 7 games I fear that could be the end of our unbeaten run. MLS seems to go through phases depending who is playing there, I wouldn't be surprised to see Messi finish his career in the MLS so you might get more of a chance to see him at some point.
I did a pretty major revision, tried to focus more on the game, and my perception of it as a greenhorn viewer. Deleted my particular non-sports background as it seemed a bit petulant. Anyway, I am really enjoying this late in life introduction to the beautiful game.
I did discover that I have access to Champions League, so I'll soon be exploring the non-English teams, not that geography seems to matter much.
Hi, read this again after a couple of weeks (and a couple of defeats and a step closer again to relegation). I like it more now, I think I preferred elements of the other one that weren't in this but overall this is a better poem.
Really like the third stanza -
Especially I admire the stoic goalie, and dread the penalty kick, that seems too much like an execution; follow the commentators’ strange poetry and the thundering chants from massed spectators, like cinematic Zulus who threaten with distorted hymns.
and I know it's not a critique forum, so forgive me for
I admire the stoic goalie, and dread the penalty kick, - seems too much like an execution; I follow commentators’ strange poetry and thundering chants from massed spectators, like cinematic Zulus who threaten with distorted hymns.
03-21-2022, 09:32 AM (This post was last modified: 03-21-2022, 09:38 AM by TranquillityBase.)
(03-12-2022, 03:29 AM)Knot Wrote: .
Hi TqB,
like the new title (yay you!), but I think it's a bit overwritten.
(If you'll allow, the last line sounds very English )
Thanks Knot for the read and the critique. I'm thinking about just excising the elements about my age vs the game, but at least I've got a title down. Although that will relegate my English line Both you and Mark seem to like the goalie part, so maybe that's what I should be concentrating on.
TqB
(03-20-2022, 09:51 PM)ambrosial revelation Wrote: Hi, read this again after a couple of weeks (and a couple of defeats and a step closer again to relegation). I like it more now, I think I preferred elements of the other one that weren't in this but overall this is a better poem.
Really like the third stanza -
and I know it's not a critique forum, so forgive me for
I admire the stoic goalie, and dread the penalty kick, - seems too much like an execution; I follow commentators’ strange poetry and thundering chants from massed spectators, like cinematic Zulus who threaten with distorted hymns.
I think this is an excellent short poem in itself
Mark, thanks for the re-read. As I said above, maybe I should be focusing on one aspect of the game, the goalie, one of the few elements I understand, even after watching 30 or so games on TV.
)
wae aye man ye radgie