Flat Iron

[TranquillityBase]

This is no way to run the Hereafter,
to send a guy back
to face a blindfolded firing squad
or another lifetime’s delay
by malingering assassins who work hard
at saying as little as they can
while we jabber non-stop
and the funny thing is 
it’s not even the appointed time
for the weeding out to begin.

[Knot]

.
Hi TqB,
I get a bit confused by the 'by' of L5
and wonder if it should be 'yet' or 'to' in L4
Should L3 be something like
to face the same
blindfolded firing squad
?

Perhaps 'winnowing' for the (weedier) 'weeding out'?

Not getting the title, but it (N) rather sounds like someone who got up (perhaps against expectation) on the wrong side of the bed.


Best, Knot.


.

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Tim, I love the sentiment!

It hits with more punch if I leave out some the lines in the middle

This is no way to run the Hereafter,
to send a guy back
to face a blindfolded firing squad  funny as hell !
or another lifetime’s delay  equally humorous
and the funny thing is
it’s not even the appointed time this actually is a funny thing
for the weeding out to begin.

Weeding out the hereafter! Love the humour in this piece! Even the title suggests that something, someone, needs straightening out. Made my day, brother.

[rowens]

The second and third lines remind me of the Ambrose Bierce story, and the Russian novelist in Siberia. And I think of coming back being attacked by a giant spider I once crushed as a child. Flattening a cloud to make a quiet pond.

[Mark A Becker]

Hey Tim, I love the sentiment!

It hits with more punch if I leave out some the lines in the middle

This is no way to run the Hereafter,
to send a guy back
to face a blindfolded firing squad  funny as hell !
or another lifetime’s delay  equally humorous
and the funny thing is
it’s not even the appointed time this actually is a funny thing
for the weeding out to begin.

Weeding out the hereafter! Love the humour in this piece! Even the title suggests that something, someone, needs straightening out. Made my day, brother.

"while we jabber non-stop" implies that you are a citizen who may also sit on the Great Council of the Hereafter. 
I didn't need that line, or the two before it. Those three lines muddied it, for me.  Without those lines it strongly implies that you are "the guy", and you're failing to plead your case, and are about to be sentenced to life, again. To me, it's much funnier that way.

[TranquillityBase]

.
Hi TqB,
I get a bit confused by the 'by' of L5
and wonder if it should be 'yet' or 'to' in L4
Should L3 be something like
to face the same
blindfolded firing squad        
?

Perhaps 'winnowing' for the (weedier) 'weeding out'?

Not getting the title, but it (N) rather sounds like someone who got up (perhaps against expectation) on the wrong side of the bed.


Best, Knot.

the firing squad and the malingering assassins were not supposed to be the same fate but two differring fates; I like "winnowing"; me and you and titles!...but I did think hard before applying this one

---

The second and third lines remind me of the Ambrose Bierce story, and the Russian novelist in Siberia. And I think of coming back being attacked by a giant spider I once crushed as a child. Flattening a cloud to make a quiet pond.

Bierce's "hanging" story I'm guessing....and Dostoyevsky (sic).....yep, i see that now...nice poem at the end there

---

Hey Tim, I love the sentiment!

It hits with more punch if I leave out some the lines in the middle

This is no way to run the Hereafter,
to send a guy back
to face a blindfolded firing squad  funny as hell !
or another lifetime’s delay  equally humorous
and the funny thing is
it’s not even the appointed time this actually is a funny thing
for the weeding out to begin.

Weeding out the hereafter! Love the humour in this piece! Even the title suggests that something, someone, needs straightening out. Made my day, brother.

"while we jabber non-stop" implies that you are a citizen who may also sit on the Great Council of the Hereafter. 
I didn't need that line, or the two before it. Those three lines muddied it, for me.  Without those lines it strongly implies that you are "the guy", and you're failing to plead your case, and are about to be sentenced to life, again. To me, it's much funnier that way.

thanks Mark.  first version had malingerers of a different kind and i just wanted that word in there for some reason but now I'm not so sure and combining yours and Knot's "same" addition would make a better poem perhaps, i'll give it a try.

[busker]

This is no way to run the Hereafter,
to send a guy back
to face a blindfolded firing squad
or another lifetime’s delay
by malingering assassins who work hard
at saying as little as they can
while we jabber non-stop
and the funny thing is 
it’s not even the appointed time
for the weeding out to begin.

The caprice of a Marxist god…
“Malingering assassins” is a deft touch
I like the absurdity of the situation, and the unexpectedness of the first and last couple of lines 
Nice one