Inaudible and raw.

[LiteraryAntiquity]

Inaudible and raw

You said there was a rage within me.
It's the curse,
in a verse
and worse, much worse.
It's tasteless, no motive, no mood, no explanation,
my reputation ruins me, don't you see?
Where are my parents at?
Fucked me up with a dead cat.
Set an example, make me a sample of the rage and the stage in the wage that gets me admired,
undesired.
Silent cage on the blank page you try to destroy,
Oh, I annoy
you
in the way I say "Shit, this just ain't my day."
But you don't pay to read my rhymes, it's not my time, turn away.
It's black on white paper, I write, to get me undressed with these things I confess.
It's advice for the lice crawling in your eyes.
Sigh.
I'm adversely bad,
bad,in madness
instilled in me,
don't you see?
With the photos
and the motives,
and the moods
of all crude
things in the days
and the ways
that you kept
my mind
at bay.
Safe and sound I am bound to noun and adjective and consonant and vowel,
incontinent bowel
for the undesirable and
inexcusable, pathologically lying
father
and mother
shooting heroin,
that's a starter.
Fucking martyr.

[Ris Yerg]

Powerful work!
R.Y.

[billy]

Inaudible and raw

You said there was a rage within me.
It's the curse,
in a verse [for me this feels forced, is it needed?]
and worse, much worse.
It's tasteless, no motive, no mood, no explanation,
my reputation ruins me, don't you see?
Where are my parents at?
Fucked me up with a dead cat.
Set an example, make me a sample of the rage and the stage in the wage that gets me admired,
undesired.
Silent cage on the blank page you try to destroy,
Oh, I annoy
you
in the way I say "Shit, this just ain't my day."
But you don't pay to read my rhymes, it's not my time, turn away.
It's black on white paper, I write, to get me undressed with these things I confess.
It's advice for the lice crawling in your eyes.
Sigh.
I'm adversely bad,
bad,in madness
you instilled in me, [is you needed]
don't you see?
With the photos
and the motives,
and the moods
of all crude
things in the days
and the ways
that you kept
my mind
at bay.
Safe and sound I am bound to noun and adjective and consonant and vowel,
incontinent bowel
for the untouchable,
undesirable,
indestructible,
inexcusable
father
and mother
shooting heroin,
that's a starter.
Fucking martyr.

i point out a couple of things LA. for me a few of the you words could be changed or lost without hurting the poem

the first part felt like rap, it carried a beat to it, the second felt spat out (which is okay)
the rhytm of the 2nd part flowed really well and the rhymes in it also worked well. again for me, i think it's the first part which needs some minor edits.

all i all a good rant poem.
thanks for the read LA

[heslopian]

This is a strange poem. Just when you think you have it sussed out, it blindsides you with an unexpected U-turn. Some cliches poke through here and there, and now and then it rambles off on messy tangents, but there's also some brilliant lines, a few of which I've highlighted below.

Inaudible and raw

You said there was a rage within me.
It's the curse,
in a verse
and worse, much worse.
It's tasteless, no motive, no mood, no explanation,
my reputation ruins me, don't you see?
Where are my parents at?
Fucked me up with a dead cat.
Set an example, make me a sample of the rage and the stage in the wage that gets me admired,
undesired.
Silent cage on the blank page you try to destroy,
Oh, I annoy
you
in the way I say "Shit, this just ain't my day."
But you don't pay to read my rhymes, it's not my time, turn away.
It's black on white paper, I write, to get me undressed with these things I confess.
It's advice for the lice crawling in your eyes. This kind of physical horror has been done before, but the context is original.
Sigh.
I'm adversely bad,
bad,in madness
you instilled in me,
don't you see?
With the photos
and the motives,
and the moods
of all crude
things in the days
and the ways
that you kept
my mind
at bay.
Safe and sound I am bound to noun and adjective and consonant and vowel, An example of the dark wit I love about you.
incontinent bowel
for the untouchable,
undesirable,
indestructible,
inexcusable
father
and mother
shooting heroin,
that's a starter.
Fucking martyr.

Thanks for the read, LA.

[LiteraryAntiquity]

Dances happily! Thank you!

[addy]

First of all, I'm unnaturally fond of that title for some reason

This has a great, great flow that's so easy, and I agree it's like a rap... for me the experience was like having my own thoughts fall like water from the poem's natural gravity, if that makes sense? As for the content, very raw and very clever. "Safe and sound I am bound to noun and adjective and consonant and vowel,"... what a quintissential line for a write. I'm jealous

[LiteraryAntiquity]

Thank you, Addy!