conditional love (language warning)

[heslopian]

all love has conditions

the contingencies drawn
soon after you're born

or the very first kiss
outside her front door

the moment your lips form
the words "mum" and "dad"

agreements are silently made

beyond the edge of consciousness
a handshake occurs
a treaty is signed

"you will not grow up to be gay
or vegan
or Christian or Muslim
or whatever the opposite
of what we are is"

"you will not demand attention
when i don't feel like giving it
you'll pleasure yourself
when i'm too tired"

"you'll buy me a fucking pony
you cunts
or an Xbox
a TV
pay my college bills too
and tell me how clever I am"

beyond the edge of consciousness
a handshake occurs
a treaty is signed

agreements are silently made

[Ris Yerg]

Wow!
It's really great work!
Truth and irony in one goblet!
Enjoyed.
R.Y.

[billy]

at first i thought weak (the opening ) but as i read i saw the opening was integral to the poem.
the way it was ridden into some keener depth was a real treat.

the three verse below were excellent;

"you will not grow up to be gay
or vegan
or Christian or Muslim
or whatever the opposite
of what we are is"

"you will not demand attention
when i don't feel like giving it
you'll pleasure yourself
when i'm too tired"

"you'll buy me a fucking pony
you cunts
or an Xbox
a TV
pay my college bills too
and tell me how clever I am"

the last verse above made me smile. i mean really laugh. i guess it wasn't meant to, but i can feel the verbal this kind of person gives.
the 6th and last repeat also works well. i don't think i'd change anything about it.

thanks for the read.

[addy]

The depressing thing is that this is often too true . Kudos to you for writing such a powerful work. The only thing I'd change is the "beyond the edge of consciousness" line (which might be a little cliche depending on your mileage), but heck, that's just nitpicking.

Thank you very, very much for sharing this. This is just wonderful.

[heslopian]

Shit sorry I forgot to put a language warning on this Billy! Thanks to you three for your lovely feedback. That latter of the diction verses was intended to be funny, Billy; that's the closest I get to real humour You're not the first person to mention that line Addy, and I think I used it word for word in another poem not long ago; I'm plagiarising myself haha.

[billy]

i think we'll survive lol.
i remember the poem i think but i'm not saying which one
in case i get it wrong.

[heslopian]

It was "Earliest Memory." I checked.