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Loving Friday
It’s a perfect Friday
a perfectly ordinary Friday
as if any Friday could be
ordinary
when there’s time for everything
but no time to finish
anything
work is easy
toss it on the stack
for Monday
your silent breathless motionless
nervous afternoon anticipation
makes it impossible
to start on anything
at all
oh, Friday
if there were one day to love
it would be you
but there’s just no time
to resume that romance
now.
One of the few non-LPiA poems from November (the 12th, to be exact).
Non-practicing atheist
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Hey Duke, I quite enjoyed this. Feels like a departure in tone from you, yet somehow maintains your voice. I don't have a ton of crit, but a few thoughts below.
(12-06-2021, 10:45 AM)dukealien Wrote: Love Friday about this later
It’s a perfect Friday
a perfectly ordinary Friday
as if any Friday could
be ordinary This first strophe struck me as really well constructed. It's a skill to use repetition without sounding repetitive. Well done here
there is time for everything
but no time to finish
anything
work is easy
put it on the stack wonder if "pile" might outperform "stack" here. PUT/PILE gives a "stacking" of sounds.
for Monday
but so hard
impossible to start
any job at all the minimal punctuation works great overall, but these three lines are a clumsy read for me. A little tinkering needed, at most
oh, Friday
if there were a day to love
it would be you
but there’s just no time
to begin a romance now. nice finish. A hint of this "romance" ought to be part of the title. IMO
One of the few non-LPiA poems from November (the 12th, to be exact). Good to hear 
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Duke,
I'd love to comment on this, but it's Friday...
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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Hey duke-
Some edits/comments on Love Friday:
Love Friday
It’s a perfect Friday
a perfectly ordinary Friday
as if any Friday could be moved "be" up to break the line on it
ordinary that leaves "ordinary" on its own line for emphasis
there is time for everything
but no time to finish
anything "anything" echoes back to "ordinary" with its own line
work is easy
to put on the stack
for Monday
it's so hard to start (suggested re-working for this stanza)
any job at all-
oh, Friday
if there were a day to love
it would be you
and it's almost quittin time -
to start romance anew
I thought the poem oughta end on an upbeat note, just to show why you love Friday.
Posts: 1,176
Threads: 247
Joined: Nov 2015
Loving Friday
It’s a perfect Friday
a perfectly ordinary Friday
as if any Friday could be
ordinary
when there’s time for everything
but no time to finish
anything
work is easy
toss it on the stack
for Monday
your silent breathless motionless
nervous afternoon anticipation
makes it impossible
to start on anything
at all
oh, Friday
if there were one day to love
it would be you
but there’s just no time
to resume that romance
now.
Thanks to all critics.
Non-practicing atheist
Posts: 703
Threads: 141
Joined: Oct 2017
.
Hi Duke,
liking the revision (not loving the title).
Passing thoughts ...
Loving Friday ................................................
any way to avoid 'Friday' in the title. Four, at the start, is surely overdoing it. 
It’s a perfect Friday
a perfectly ordinary Friday
as if any Friday could be
ordinary
when there’s time for everything
but no time
to finish anything
when your silent breathless motionless ............
I think 'nervous' covers this (though 'suffocating' might work even better?)
nervous afternoon anticipation
makes it impossible .....................................
'is making it'?
to start
on anything at all
oh, Friday ...................................................
'Sweet Friday' ?
if there were one day to love ......................
prefer the original 'a day'
it would be you
but there’s just no time ..............................
this and the next line are the only ones that don't read/flow as well as the rest. To me, anyway. (Wondered about adding 'surely it would be you / but there's ... )
to resume that romance
now
toss it on the stack
for Monday
Best, Knot
.
