the casual intimacy of standing face-to-face with a cute stranger on public transit

[SnarlingThroughOurSmiles]

We stood there with our sneakers
(and our stars)
aligned
Your arm stretched out over my head,
(pinning me against the wall)
gripping the safety rail,
winding veins disappearing under a rolled-up shirtsleeve
and as the metro carriage rocked and led my feet
one two three stumbling steps closer to you,
I tried to not imagine falling for(wards) you, and you
gripping my waist instead, but then
the train pulled into your station, and you
(unlike me)
got off.

[alonso ramoran]

Snarling,

I think the concept of this poem is very strong and while the ending itself wasn't surprising, I was surprised and delighted by how much it still works to conclude the poem. That being said, since the concept is strong , I don't think the title needs to be so long-winded. If you must, maybe "casual intimacy on public transit" or "the casual intimacy of public transit" or something of the sort. More comments below

We stood there with our sneakers
(and our stars) While I enjoy the stylistic choice being made here with having certain important phrases in parentheses, I don't think it's enough to save this line from being cliche. There might be another way to write this and drive that point across, concerning the stars on chuck taylors though... honestly my mind went to converse shoes when I read this line
aligned Period missing?
Your arm stretched out over my head,
(pinning me against the wall) Liked the use of parentheses here.This poem seems like an inner monologue so this line here being parenthesized seems to show an inner inner monologue which I think is cool
gripping the safety rail,
winding veins disappearing under a rolled-up shirtsleeve nice sensual imagery
and as the metro carriage rocked and led my feet
one two three stumbling steps closer to you, I would get experimental with the "one two three..." phrase here and see what works because this reads a little awkwardly. Maybe that's what you intended? If not, but it's something you intend now, I'd still suggest you experiment and try to lean more into that awkwardness and if you're led back to square one then at least you tried. Otherwise I'd just write "three stumbling steps"
I tried to not imagine falling for(wards) you, and you The (wards) here makes this line read awkwardly. I'd suggest rewriting as "I tried to not imagine falling towards (or for) you, and you" or [b]"I tried to not imagine falling for(wards on) you, and you" if you really want to keep "forwards" broken by parentheses.[/b]
gripping my waist instead, but then
the train pulled into your station, and you
(unlike me)
got off. like the double meaning

Sorry if this was too much for moderate critique. The poem is kind of short and I find it harder to limit my feedback on shorter poems from my experience for some reason. Take what you think applies : )

Best,
Alex

[RiverNotch]

For the first half of the piece, "and our stars" and even "pinning me against the wall" interrupt, the former taking the reader completely out of such a focused scene, the latter being perhaps too violent for the start of an imagined love affair.

We stood there with our sneakers
in alignment.
Your arm gripping
the handrail running over my head,
winding veins disappearing under a rolled-up sleeve,
the carriage rocked and led my feet
one two three steps closer to you.

Thereafter, it seems to fall apart. "I tried not to imagine falling for you and you gripping my waist instead" doesn't make sense to me: the speaker tried their hardest not to visualize what was already happening to them, falling for the subject? And did they try to instead imagine the subject falling for the speaker, or were they also forced by their compulsions to imagine that? Whatever the case, "wards" is worse than superfluous, and then there's "unlike me", the least intrusive parenthetic, which I think would be better served implied. Something like

the train pulled into your station
and not mine.

Overall, though, it's a start. But I don't think the conceit -- the parenthetics -- are necessary. They don't reveal anything that would come off worse by being in the main body of the piece.

[TranquillityBase]

We stood there with our sneakers
(and our stars)
aligned   this one word could just be part of line 1
Your arm stretched out over my head,
(pinning me against the wall)               just make this a normal line, no parentheses
gripping the safety rail,
winding veins disappearing under a rolled-up shirtsleeve
and as the metro carriage rocked and led my feet
one two three stumbling steps closer to you,
I tried to not imagine falling for(wards) you, and you           I tried not to imagine falling into you, and you
gripping my waist instead, but then
the train pulled into your station, and you
(unlike me)
got off.

I think these notes may be a repeat of what's already been said by others, but I liked the poem just not the parenthetical additions, a snapshot of incipient love and inevitable disappointment.

TqB

P.S. title gives away too much

[Tiger the Lion]

We stood there with our sneakers
(and our stars)
aligned
Your arm stretched out over my head,
(pinning me against the wall)
gripping the safety rail,
winding veins disappearing under a rolled-up shirtsleeve
and as the metro carriage rocked and led my feet
one two three stumbling steps closer to you,
I tried to not imagine falling for(wards) you, and you
gripping my waist instead, but then
the train pulled into your station, and you
(unlike me)
got off.

Hey Snarling. I agree with most of what's been said already. I just wanted to jump in with one observation before I forget. In L5 you are pinned against the wall, but in L9 you move 1,2,3 steps closer? 3 steps is a fair distance if you're already pinned. Maybe instead of 3 steps you might be better served by "inching ever closer" or something like that in order to rectify the disparity?