*please stand by*

[SnarlingThroughOurSmiles]

I can't speak anymore
I open my mouth and.
cotton gauze, spilling.
Jaws, unhinged, and.
syrup saliva spit.
I can't -
I wanted to -
You wanted me to explain and I -
I had the words, I promise, I promise,
but all I have for you now is:
(disembodied unearthly scream)
(sobbing from another room)
(buzzing fluorescent lightbulb buzzing fluorescent lightbulb buzzing fluorescent lightbulb)
(plate dropped on the kitchen floor like a telenovela slow-mo shot, shattering)
(embodied unearthly scream)

I have a tongue like fists on plexiglass
Layers of layers of paper paste glue plastered in. My arterial tubes.
I have a voice like. Caulking. Crammed in my-


I have a -
I have a -
I -
...

I have so much to say about how much I cannot.

[TranquillityBase]

I can't speak anymore
I open my mouth and-
cotton gauze, spilling-
Jaws, unhinged, and-
syrup saliva spit-              syrupy?
I can't -
I wanted to -
You wanted me to explain and I -
I had the words, I promise, I promise,
but all I have for you now is:
(disembodied unearthly scream)
(sobbing from another room)
(buzzing fluorescent lightbulb buzzing fluorescent lightbulb buzzing fluorescent lightbulb)    buzzing, buzing, buzzing?
(plate dropped on the kitchen floor like a telenovela slow-mo shot, shattering) break this line after "floor"
(embodied unearthly scream)

I have a tongue like fists on plexiglass
Layers of layers of paper paste glue plastered in- My arterial tubes.
I have a voice like. Caulking.  Crammed in my-


I have a -
I have a -
I -
...

I have so much to say about how much I cannot.

Snarling,
First read suggestions.  One word change, a cut or two.  I really like this poem.  Mabye use - (hyphen) instead of the periods at ends of all lines until the end.

TqB

[Knot]

.
Hi Snarl,
not sure about the title, it sets up a distance that detracts from the immediacy of the piece.
And the punctuation! Full stops followed by lower case, or upper case. Upper case to begin a new line, or not. It's far to erratic.

Some cut and paste thoughts


(buzzing fluorescent lightbulb)

I can't speak anymore.
I open my mouth and -
jaws unhinged spill
cotton gauze, syrup
of saliva - I can't
spit.

(disembodied unearthly scream)
I wanted to.
(sobbing from another room.)
You wanted me to
explain and I, I
had the words, I
I promise, I promise.

(a telenovela slow-mo shot ...................this takes me out of the poem/away from the speaker
plate dropped on the kitchen floor
shattering)

I have a tongue
(buzzing fluorescent lightbulb)
like fists on plexiglass;
like layers of layers of paper paste
glue plastered in. My arterial tubes.
I have a voice like. Caulking.
Crammed in my-

(embodied unearthly scream)
(buzzing fluorescent lightbulb)

I have a -
I have -
I -

...
(buzzing fluorescent lightbulb)

I have so much to say about how much I cannot.

(lights out)



Best, Knot

.