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You sleep peacefully in darkness Venus.
Dear Venus with your naked body glistening
like it were a jewel, I feel you are supporting
your body upwards in a beautiful, celestial image.
You pose for the man painting you, angelic one.
Think you can twiddle your thumbs and seek
love from cupid? I think you are dreaming.
When love’s around, it bends the knee like plastic.
Listen to your heart Venus, it dances in your mind
like it was something missing in your life.
Find what you lost Venus, that’ll be your dignity.
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Interesting poem. You might incorporate something about her shell, as well, to fill out the imagery. Or do a little bit of research on Venus and see if you can pull any allusions from her story? I especially love the highlighted portion. That part feels like a real poem.
(05-14-2021, 11:55 AM)Majestic Sun Wrote: You sleep peacefully in darkness Venus.
Dear Venus with your naked body glistening
like it were a jewel, I feel you are supporting
your body upwards in a beautiful, celestial image.
You pose for the man painting you, angelic one.
Think you can twiddle your thumbs and seek
love from cupid? I think you are dreaming.
When love’s around, it bends the knee like plastic.
Listen to your heart Venus, it dances in your mind
like it was something missing in your life.
Find what you lost Venus, that’ll be your dignity.
Posts: 82
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Joined: Apr 2021
(05-15-2021, 03:07 AM)newmystic Wrote: Interesting poem. You might incorporate something about her shell, as well, to fill out the imagery. Or do a little bit of research on Venus and see if you can pull any allusions from her story? I especially love the highlighted portion. That part feels like a real poem.
(05-14-2021, 11:55 AM)Majestic Sun Wrote: You sleep peacefully in darkness Venus.
Dear Venus with your naked body glistening
like it were a jewel, I feel you are supporting
your body upwards in a beautiful, celestial image.
You pose for the man painting you, angelic one.
Think you can twiddle your thumbs and seek
love from cupid? I think you are dreaming.
When love’s around, it bends the knee like plastic.
Listen to your heart Venus, it dances in your mind
like it was something missing in your life.
Find what you lost Venus, that’ll be your dignity.
You do know this is based on a painting right? Also thank you for your insight to this piece, I will try to do the following.
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You do know this is based on a painting right? Also thank you for your insight to this piece, I will try to do the following.
>
I'm aware of numerous paintings and statues of the famous goddess Venus. I am not aware of your poem being based on a specific one. But many paintings showcase her shell, so that is what I was referring to in my initial critique. Which painting are you basing your poem on specifically?
Matthew
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(05-17-2021, 06:10 AM)newmystic Wrote: You do know this is based on a painting right? Also thank you for your insight to this piece, I will try to do the following.
>
I'm aware of numerous paintings and statues of the famous goddess Venus. I am not aware of your poem being based on a specific one. But many paintings showcase her shell, so that is what I was referring to in my initial critique. Which painting are you basing your poem on specifically?
Matthew
This one.
Sleeping Venus with Love [Nicolas Poussin] | Sartle - Rogue Art History
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(05-17-2021, 09:50 AM)newmystic Wrote: Cool.
>This one.
Sleeping Venus with Love [Nicolas Poussin] | Sartle - Rogue Art History
Yeah it is cool isn't it?
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your poem feels elevated after re-reading it now. good job.
Matthew
>This one.
Sleeping Venus with Love [Nicolas Poussin] | Sartle - Rogue Art History
[/quote]
Yeah it is cool isn't it?
[/quote]
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(05-17-2021, 11:37 PM)newmystic Wrote: your poem feels elevated after re-reading it now. good job.
Matthew
>This one.
Sleeping Venus with Love [Nicolas Poussin] | Sartle - Rogue Art History
Thanks Matthew! Ekphratic poems really are remarkable.
