In a Parking Garage of the Metro
#1
In a Parking Garage of the Metro

so much descends
upon

a shiny blue
Benz

taking up two
spaces

parked under grey
pigeons
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#2
(03-17-2021, 10:48 PM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  In a Parking Garage of the Metro

so much descends
upon

a shiny blue
Benz

taking up two
spaces

parked under grey
pigeons

A pleasing image on first look.  On second, or just over-thinking, it raises the question of why we (well, I) associate this lime-from-above with justice.  And, over-thinking in high gear, that since the offending Merc still only occupies the same amount of target area it would as when properly parked, there's no advantage to parking properly (from the viewpoint of this "justice" system).  And, further yet, that two little hybrids in those two spaces, perfectly aligned, would *both* get spattered.  Because the pigeons don't really care, do they? Or is it the shininess that prompts them to perch and purge there, analogous with sparkling water?  But shiny Teslas...[/overthinking]

On a technical level, WordPerfect™ insists that I spell it "gray."  Is there a regional spelling-nag difference, same as the one that allows/requires "centre" in Britain but calls it an error in the States?
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#3
Hey, Mark.  Just a little play with your Williamsian Poundific poem:


so much descends 
upon

a shiny blue 
Benz

flawlessly de-
tailed

parked under grey 
pigeons
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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#4
Hey moonbase-

There is a quite intentional reason that I wrote "taking up two spaces": 

Many times I have seen expensive cars taking up two spaces in an almost completely full garage, leaving drivers (like me) to search further, and further away to find an open space.  In the DC area the inconsideration of "double-spacers" is quite prevalent, and their vehicles often receive very shitty looks.  In the case of this poem they also receive pigeon shit (which I've wished, but not actually seen).

And yes, I did a sort of mash-up, and hijacked/distorted the title of Pound's Metro poem, and the stucture of Williams' Red Wheelbarrow poem.

All that said, you, or anyone else, is quite free to revise, sandblast, or otherwise add/delete as you wish, and no offense will be taken.  Borrowing or stealing are also OK, as I "borrow" ideas from other work all the time. I should've given a nod with this one, but took the "pick-pocket-poet" route instead. 

Thanks for reading and commenting,
Mark
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