Illuminating - edit
#1
Illuminating


Man in blaze-yellow
jacket tints white lab he’s walking
dog-daffodil.



Man in blaze yellow
jacket turns white lab he’s walking
dog daffodil.

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#2
.
Hi Duke,
enjoyed this one.
Wondered about lower-casing ‘Man’
and replacing ‘he’s’ with ‘coat’?
(But only wondered Smile )


Best, Knot


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#3
This is like a bright happy version of Pound's "In a Station in the Metro".
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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#4
Hey alien-

I had a little trouble immediately visualizing "dog daffodil", but that's my problem. 

Since I have seen the blaze yellow daffodils that signal spring coming, this poem has an odd way of making sense.

It took some thought from my slow brain to understand that the scene turns the lab into a "dog daffodil", and perhaps "into a dog daffodil" might offer immediate clarity of the image. 

That said, I do appreciate a poem (words) that describes a scene like a snapshot photo.

Thanks,
Mark
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#5
edit1;

Man in blaze-yellow
jacket tints white lab he’s walking
dog-daffodil.


(03-17-2021, 10:42 PM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  Hey alien-

I had a little trouble immediately visualizing "dog daffodil", but that's my problem. 

Since I have seen the blaze yellow daffodils that signal spring coming, this poem has an odd way of making sense.

It took some thought from my slow brain to understand that the scene turns the lab into a "dog daffodil", and perhaps "into a dog daffodil" might offer immediate clarity of the image. 

That said, I do appreciate a poem (words) that describes a scene like a snapshot photo.

Thanks,
Mark

Always a good response, @Mark, thanks to you and the other commenters.  Revision to stress color... I actually witnessed this, there are yellow Labradors (should "lab" be capitalized?) but the day-glo jacket's flare made this dog look strangely pastel.  On only one side.
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#6
(03-17-2021, 11:45 PM)dukealien Wrote:  edit1;

Hi Duke,
don’t think ‘tints’ adds to the poem (the title already suggests this).

Just a thought Smile

Man in blaze yellow
jacket turns white lab coat
walking dog daffodil.


Best, Knot


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