A Toast to the New Year

[Erthona]

A Toast to the New Year
 
Now once again as in the past,
the time has come, but will not last,
So let us toss out all our fears,
and welcome in the coming year.
Let us leave no unturned stone
of sins to others let's now atone
and leave our anger, hate and strife,
within the fold of coming night.
And with a smile upon our face,
no matter that it seems misplaced,
lets pledge together this one thing,
only joy to others bring.
 
erthona © 2001

[dukealien]

An admirable sentiment, but see how few reads and comments! We are living in (and hopefully through) less-than-admirable times.

[Knot]

.
Hi Dale,
agree with duke about the sentiment.


Couple of things,
do you need the first two lines?
L6, should it be 'for' rather than 'of'?
I know you want the stone/atone rhyme
but
... no stone unturned / ... now atone
works quite well, I think.
(is that 'fold' as in 'pen/enclosure'? and is there anything better than 'coming'?
Wondered about 'yesternight'?)
and
let us, together, pledge one thing
to others only joy to bring ?

Wondered about 'may we', instead of 'let us', as in

May we all set aside our fears
and welcome in the coming year.

May we leave no stone unturned,
for sins to others, each atone

May we our anger, hate and strife
leave within the fold of night.

and keep a smile upon our face,
no matter it does seem misplaced,

let us, together, pledge this thing:
to others peace and joy to bring




Best, Knot




.

[Erthona]

Thanks Duke
_______________________________

Knot,

"fold of coming night" a gathering on New Years Eve.

"Wondered about 'may we', instead of 'let us'," It is the difference between "let us hold hands" and "may we hold hands".

"do you need the first two lines?" Yes, it describes the transitory nature of life.


L6, should it be 'for' rather than 'of'?"

"of" is referencing "stone", thus "stone of sins". "stone for sins" doesn't really make sense. Stone here is used in the sense of weight, or being "weighed down." Thus the weight of our sins, as though one is carrying a burden that can be unburdened on New Years Eve.

Thanks for pointing this out as I do need to remove the comma after stone.

Thanks for the comments,

best,

dale

[Knot]

.

Hi Dale.

It is the difference between "let us hold hands" and "may we hold hands".

Indeed, to me one is an imperative, the other a hope. Both have merit, I think.

the transitory nature of life.

Isn't that a given, especially on New Year.? What else might the toast (of the title) be marking, if not that?

"of" is referencing "stone",

OK (did not get that). What 'misled' me was the enjambment (and the comma). Actually is still does. let us leave no unturned stone could be read as
'let us do all we can' (as opposed to 'stone' being a (metaphorically confusing) 'weight' and 'turned' being understood as to 'unburden').

of/for sins to others, let's now atone, - seems a separate/independent clause.

Best, Knot.

.

[Erthona]

knot,

You're almost convincing me on the "for". We'll see


dale