What I'd say

[Bunx]

I stand alone as a young man,
in front of my hypothesis stand.
Working for months on end,
with help from Mom, patience tends.

As a young age, I was so mad.
She never came to the family reunions,
nor was present as school functions.
Sitting solitary at a science table.
Will my mom ever celebrate
my life's good tales?

Having the winning stall,
Every victory big or small,
strengthens solitude's seed growing my soul.
Just wanting you to catch my smile,
after winning my first science fair.

We sit in silence driving home,
before I know it the tears start to pour.
Unheard, unseen, does anything count
that matters to me?
Mom you should have been there.

I thought she did not care.

I swear this was first fight, that ended in silence.
__________________________________

Years later, confusion builds.
Walls rooted around her
that kept out some remained.
Will it always continue this way?

Naive, I kept on going and wishing
she would learn how to forgive.
She grew up, dedicated to God
whose love is unconditional.
The lesson I learned was pivotal.

When she was my age at the farm,
all she could dream of was an escape.
Away into God's loving embrace.
Her elder brother would not stop
touching, taking, undermining, degrading.

With every molestation,
comes inherent frustration.
Power given from birth abused,
once she escapes, never again
will she be used.

She will protect everything she got,
with a loving furiosity, rooted
in within her families hypocrisy.

When trauma extends,
to a husband, brother, and I.
We all became his victims.
We can love with the why,
an older brothers lie.

When I look back on that fight I had
with my mom after the science fair,
what I'd say is.

"Mom, thank you
for always being there,
I know you'd always cared.
I'm proud of you,
for being who you are."

A mom that loves me,
the way God loved her.