Stop Knife-crime. [Warning: Word Offensive]

[LiteraryAntiquity]

"Stop."
"Stop."

Two palms.
Blood-covered.
"Stop." The rush.

"Get the Feds."

Two men back up
with their bloody boots
and their unwashed, 'slick' hair.
They stare at the mess
as I scrape my babe up.
A victimized, frail, unmoving, innocent pile
on concrete lay my poor boy.
His blonde hair was encrusted with blood
His bottom lip, only thing left quivering.

"It's so dark, mum." "Don't break my heart."
"It's dark, mum." "My baby, close your eyes."

I wish I was mother enough to...
that's shit, nothing I could do.
Six men with their steel boots
took my son, the little shits.
I am left - sonless mother.
Emptiness impregnates my entire body.
Poetic aren't I, baby?
Hand on a knife.

"Goodnight, my son."

Bottle of rum.
Tonight darling
never felt
so
lost.

__________

Hope the swearing was okay here I did put a little warning thing in the title...It's not it's best, there's work to be done - I know just wasn't sure where to go with it next.

Thank you for reading as always,
kind regards,

LA.

[billy]

the shit word is okay without a warning and so is the odd expletive LA.

your poetry feels a lot more solid since your last visit, more open and alive.
i can see perhaps an unnecessary 'was' on L12. but nothing that doesn't work as such.
again you have some good imagery, even if it is more tell than show.

just did another read, must be my 6th or more and feel that glum is not a word a mother in this position would feel.
for me it needs something much more stronger or more melancholy.

thanks for the read as always LA.

by the way, i liked the format of the poem as well.

[LiteraryAntiquity]

the shit word is okay without a warning and so is the odd expletive LA.

your poetry feels a lot more solid since your last visit, more open and alive.
i can see perhaps an unnecessary 'was' on L12. but nothing that doesn't work as such.
again you have some good imagery, even if it is more tell than show.

just did another read, must be my 6th or more and feel that glum is not a word a mother in this position would feel.
for me it needs something much more stronger or more melancholy.

thanks for the read as always LA.

by the way, i liked the format of the poem as well.

Thank you, I did go into a bit of a Ginsberg state of mind for a while, which you missed, and now coming out of it I feel I'm quite unsure of my work again. It's a bit like starting all over again. Thank you for the words and I went to write numb and couldn't stomach that either so I chose 'lost' because that's how I would feel.

[billy]

alas i'm not a ginsberg fan so i would never recognise the style

lost woks better for me.

[LiteraryAntiquity]

alas i'm not a ginsberg fan so i would never recognise the style

lost woks better for me.

Someone read me 'Howl' and I fell in love for a while but the reason some people like my style is because it's always changing and when I stayed that way people seemed to get bored =]

[billy]

Someone read me 'Howl' and I fell in love for a while but the reason some people like my style is because it's always changing and when I stayed that way people seemed to get bored =]

we have some ginsberg audio files here including howl.

[addy]

Wow, this was visceral, and in a very good way. I loved the parts where she wavers between her narration and her tearing grief, the heartbreak and the bitter pragmatism. Great narrative voice her. Nice job

[LiteraryAntiquity]

Wow, this was visceral, and in a very good way. I loved the parts where she wavers between her narration and her tearing grief, the heartbreak and the bitter pragmatism. Great narrative voice her. Nice job

Thank you, Addy! =]