Love Song

[heslopian]

I still recall the first time this strange heart
swelled, like a hollow apple filled with
poison, and caused more pain than my indulgence
ever did, the attacks and palpitations unique.

you sat behind me and I looked the other way,
I relished the rare kisses your voice left soft
upon my neck, of course beyond the realisation
that they were killing me, slowly, like morphine.

but the truth dawned sooner than I thought,
cursed sunbeam through the fine gray mesh…

I could not have you, so I killed you in verse
and rhyme, hacked you into pieces with my
pen and buried the remains, beneath the silent
grave of some shop bought empty page.

[billy]

I still recall the first time this strange heart
swelled, like a hollow apple filled with
poison, and caused more pain than my indulgence
ever did, the attacks and palpitations unique. i like the image of this verse

you sat behind me and I looked the other way,
I relished the rare kisses your voice left soft would soft be better starting the next line?
upon my neck, of course beyond the realisation
that they were killing me, slowly, like morphine. another good image in this one

but the truth dawned sooner than I thought, is but needed
cursed sunbeam through the fine gray mesh…

I could not have you, so I killed you in verse
and rhyme, hacked you into pieces with my
pen and buried the remains, beneath the silent
grave of some shop bought empty page. i love this verse. could a good descriptive word or phrase after or before pieces be utilized

i thought this one heartfelt and somewhat funny though i suppose it wasn't meant that way. the last verse made it for me, it carries that black sort of comedy we look at and know about. glad it isn't happening to or about us.

thanks for the read jack.

[addy]

I love the tone of this, and the almost reluctant sensuality of your descriptions, toeing the line between innocent and dark. At first I thought the way you ended it was abrupt, but with re-reads I grew to really like it. Fantastic work, as always

[heslopian]

@Billy - Thank you for the kind words and feedback, Billy I will use some of your suggestions in a mo. Glad you noticed my attempt at black humour; I was nervous that that last line might just be seen as pretentious! When I published this several months ago on DU, I think many people got the impression that there was no nudge nudge wink wink involved, and that I was being deadly serious

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@Addy - Thank you for your kind praise, Addy

[Ris Yerg]

Hi!
Wonderful imagination and metaphors here!
Great play with words!
Enjoyed!
R.Y.