Dear unknown Colleague

[alicia-sophia]

Dear Unknown Colleague

 

An invisible invader has taken the world

They call upon you to fight in the battle

They say you are an “integral” part of the group.

 

Known for your selflessness, compassion, and extraordinary courage

You rose to the challenge,

didn't cower and hide

 

With no further ado, in the front line you stood and fought against the worst enemy

But unlike any Soldier in the war,

you are without a gun

Working under egregious condition.

You were terrified,

overworked, and susceptible.

Each caseload is a danger

And yet, you continue to move heaven and earth.

 

You attended the intubated, the paralyzed, and sedated.

You dedicated your life to treat and fight for the lives of others

knowing that, you too are vulnerable.

 

In that same battle,

from that very illness,

you tried to regain your breath

 

Today, the world mourns.

Deeply saddened and apologetic

You were known for your positive attitude and big smile,

 

a shining light amongst the chaos.

[lorean]

An invisible invader has taken the world
They call upon you to fight in the battle
They say you are an “integral” part of the group.

This first stanza is in the present-tense as opposed to most of the poem being in the past-tense. I would change this to match the rest.

But unlike any Soldier in the war,
you are without a gun
Working under egregious condition.
...
And yet, you continue to move heaven and earth.

Same thing with past/present-tense here. 

With no further ado, in the front line you stood and fought against the worst enemy

Instead of "With no further ado," I would say something like "Without hesitation." It feels more like what you're trying to convey, but I could be wrong.

[alicia-sophia]

An invisible invader has taken the world
They call upon you to fight in the battle
They say you are an “integral” part of the group.

This first stanza is in the present-tense as opposed to most of the poem being in the past-tense. I would change this to match the rest.

But unlike any Soldier in the war,
you are without a gun
Working under egregious condition.
...
And yet, you continue to move heaven and earth.

Same thing with past/present-tense here. 

With no further ado, in the front line you stood and fought against the worst enemy

Instead of "With no further ado," I would say something like "Without hesitation." It feels more like what you're trying to convey, but I could be wrong.

Thanks so much for the feedback. I didn't really think or paid attention that most poems are written in the past-tense. 
I also like the suggestion for the 3rd stanza. 
Thank you!!

[Knot]

.
Hi Alicia-Sophia.


I also have an issue with the tenses, but I'd opt for making this all in the present tense,
and, following the title, have it adhere as closely to the form of a letter as possible -
maybe make the writer of the letter one of the "They" of lines two and three?
I enjoyed the irony (but don't think you need to emphasise it, for example "integral" in L3).



Best, Knot


.

[alicia-sophia]

.
Hi Alicia-Sophia.


I also have an issue with the tenses, but I'd opt for making this all in the present tense,
and, following the title, have it adhere as closely to the form of a letter as possible -
maybe make the writer of the letter one of the "They" of lines two and three?
I enjoyed the irony (but don't think you need to emphasise it, for example "integral" in L3).



Best, Knot




Hello Knot.

Thank you for the feedback I truly appreciate it.
I want to make this poem as close to perfect or make it a legitimate poem, I guess.
I am dedicating this to the nurses who died as they stood on the front line fighting this Covid-19 Pandemic.
I am not sure if it seems obvious in the poem but I am too is a nurse and I am too is on the front line. I wrote this poem while isolating myself from my family (3 kids) because all I see now at my work are Covid patients everyday. I'm afraid I might bring this virus home to my family.


I would like to kindly ask for more feedback on this one.. please please and thank you so very much!


RIP Unknown Colleague
 
An invisible invader has taken the world
They called upon your name to fight in a battle
They say you're essential and vital in the field.

Known for your selflessness, compassion, and extraordinary courage
Not a slight of hesitation, you rose to the challenge.

Without further ado, in the front line you stood.
Unlike any soldier in the war, you are but without a gun.

Left alone in these solitary tours

Afraid and terrified,
you continued to fight.
Each caseload is a danger,
your spirit indestructible but your bone, powerless
You tried to regain your own breath, but your heart crumbles.

Today, the world mourns.
Deeply saddened and apologetic.
You were known for your positive attitude and big smile,

a shining light amongst the chaos.

.

[Knot]

.

Hi Alicia-Sophia,

the new title changes things quite a lot, I think (and, possibly, for the better). There seem to be two competing ideas here, one, the eulogy for an 'unknown colleague' and two, a more general/political aspect. I'd suggest focusing on the former, especially as you say I am too is a nurse and I am too is on the front line. A nurse writing to her colleagues (wherever they are) has great potential, I think.

Just a suggestion as to where you might start

To an Unknown Colleague.

I know you, and the loneliness

of these solitary tours. The fear

and exhaustion. I know that

you are half buried already,

beneath the weight of 'essential'

and the terror of 'not enough'

and the day is only an hour old.

Best, Knot

.