Fruit And Veg Don’t Make Me Cry

[billy]

Lemons don’t make me cry
they just force a citrus tear.
Onions don’t make cry either
they just force my optics to leak.
You make me cry.

[addy]

Aww ... it's sweet and good but it hurts LOL

[waitingforgodet]

Lemons don’t make me cry
they just force a citrus tear.
Onions don’t make cry either
they just force my optics to leak.
You make me cry.

Billy, I like the idea of comparing vegetables with symptoms of sadness and pain--never thought of that. The last line, of course, is the punch of the entire poem, but I think the poem should be longer, perhaps three or four verses. And use a rhyme scheme. Also, I would stick with vegetables--lemons have never made me cry--but onions have, of course. And hot chile peppers--I made a stew the other night and used hot peppers and my eyes were tearing as I cut them up.

Onions still bring on the tears
as they have for so many years.

chile peppers do
and jalapeno too.

there are others as well
from the hot garden of hell

that make my optics leak
and my vision weak

but when you said good bye
you made me cry.


I know I've rewritten your poem--sorry--perhaps it is jack's influence. Seriously, though, I think you have a great idea juxtaposing what we eat with human suffering--jim

[billy]

Lemons don’t make me cry
they just force a citrus tear.
Onions don’t make cry either
they just force my optics to leak.
You make me cry.

Billy, I like the idea of comparing vegetables with symptoms of sadness and pain--never thought of that. The last line, of course, is the punch of the entire poem, but I think the poem should be longer, perhaps three or four verses. And use a rhyme scheme. Also, I would stick with vegetables--lemons have never made me cry--but onions have, of course. And hot chile peppers--I made a stew the other night and used hot peppers and my eyes were tearing as I cut them up.

Onions still bring on the tears
as they have for so many years.

chile peppers do
and jalapeno too.

there are others as well
from the hot garden of hell

that make my optics leak
and my vision weak

but when you said good bye
you made me cry.


I know I've rewritten your poem--sorry--perhaps it is jack's influence. Seriously, though, I think you have a great idea juxtaposing what we eat with human suffering--jim

hehe thats fine jim. this is the for fun section. and i like it.
though next time you rewrite a poem here put it
in it's own thread (it just means we only have to read a single poem in each thread)
you can still write the same thing you did and even give it your own title.

thanks for the feedback (i once cut up some chilli and scratched my nether region a little later on in evening, it wasn't a good experience.

[heslopian]

This makes me think of the old "sticks and stones" dictum. A charming little poem, somehow more so because it was written by you. Though I'd suggest putting a comma after the first "cry" and "either," and you missed a "me" before the second "cry."

[mrmod]

I liked the emphatic last line. May I ask who this is directed at ?

[billy]

if i'm honest; in retrospect, it would be my kids. they were the only two people who could really make me cry. (and not necessarily in a bad way)