The Doldrums.

[billy]

The wind abandoned the sails;
fled west with a sullen sun.
A sun that daily returned
to haunt the shadows
of slack canvass
draped like dead flesh.


Eight bells, first watch, sixteenth night:
It centred the light pool
a tall spindle of a boat
poking through the surface.
Single poled, half naked
adrift on a wet new moon

Its pleated skirts, windless
hung upon the fir mast.
Ropes coiled like serpents
ready to bite a prevailing easterly
should the canvass bloom,
lay in wait on the lifeless deck.

[addy]

I like the mysterious dark tone of the piece, and the very stark visuals you used... reminds me of classic seafaring tales.

In the second stanza, I think you can remove "it stood."... saying "poking through the surface" is sufficient. Instead of "their ropes...", saying "Ropes coiled like serpents" is also fine.Also, I don't think it's necessary to separate that third stanza, but that might be just me.

Thanks for the read

[billy]

I like the mysterious dark tone of the piece, and the very stark visuals you used... reminds me of classic seafaring tales.

In the second stanza, I think you can remove "it stood."... saying "poking through the surface" is sufficient. Instead of "their ropes...", saying "Ropes coiled like serpents" is also fine.Also, I don't think it's necessary to separate that third stanza, but that might be just me.

Thanks for the read

thanks for the feedback addy. i've made the changes you suggested except for the third verse thing, as they were only minor.

[addy]

Sure, it's your poem . Also forgot to add:I love the turn of phrase "wet new moon." Really nice job with this one