To love nothing

[Lawrence]

After work, he always sits
By his kitchen window.

It’s winter. The sun
Sinks into a hammock
Of oaks and rusted fire;
Nails of light cling to clouds
As if trying to escape quicksand-
Only to resign, and suffocate.

To him, it’s satisfaction.

Minutes later, blackness.
Below, streetlights direct ghosts-
Their green-yellow-reds
Now meaningless; the language
Of a vanished race.

He looks upward; the moon
Is like a broken monocle
Glowing with sagacious light,
Comprehending all-
And nurturing nothing

He loves nothing; inhabits it
The way a rattlesnake
Cools beneath stone.
Sometimes, he lays in bed;
Pretends he is ascending
Floating higher and higher
Until he becomes a star-
Invisible to even God.

[heslopian]

After work, he always sits
By his kitchen window.

It’s winter. The sun
Sinks into a hammock
Of oaks and rusted fire; Love this metaphor.
Nails of light cling to clouds I would put a "the" before "clouds."
As if trying to escape quicksand- This simile seems like overkill. Would the verse be more concise without it?
Only to resign, and suffocate. I like the placing of the comma here.

To him, it’s satisfaction.

Minutes later, blackness.
Below, streetlights direct ghosts- I would have put a "the" instead of a comma, thought that's just a personal thing.
Their green-yellow-reds
Now meaningless; the language
Of a vanished race. Outstanding line. "The Language of a Vanished Race" should be the title, I feel.

He looks upward; the moon
Is like a broken monocle Could this line work without the "like." I'm often susceptible to this, so forgive the hypocrisy of my criticism
Glowing with sagacious light, Thank you for teaching me a new word! I think I may have heard it at some point, but had long since forgotten what it meant. Good old dictionary.com!
Comprehending all- Is this dash needed?
And nurturing nothing

He loves nothing; inhabits it
The way a rattlesnake
Cools beneath stone. Good simile.
Sometimes, he lays in bed; Is the comma needed? Also, I think a comma would work after "bed" more so than a semi colon.
Pretends he is ascending
Floating higher and higher
Until he becomes a star-
Invisible to even God. Fantastic last line. Provides perfect closure.

I like this piece a lot. It's dark and intense yet never po-faced, and with a wee bit of editing could be nearly perfect. Kudos

[billy]

After work, he always sits
By his kitchen window.

It’s winter. The sun
Sinks into a hammock
Of oaks and rusted fire;
Nails of light cling to clouds
As if trying to escape quicksand-
Only to resign, and suffocate. good opening though the 'nails of light cling to clouds' feels a little off with 'as if trying to escape quicksand' would the first part of the simile read better as; 'nails of light (word of choice here maybe buried or something else, instead of cling (do nails cling as such?)) in/inside/among clouds

To him, it’s satisfaction.

Minutes later, blackness.
Below, streetlights direct ghosts-
Their green-yellow-reds
Now meaningless; the language
Of a vanished race. i like this verse as well.

He looks upward; the moon
Is like a broken monocle nice simile
Glowing with sagacious light
Comprehending all-
And nurturing nothing is this line needed as it doesn't fit with sagacious.

He loves nothing; inhabits it would 'nowhere' work better than 'nothing'
The way a rattlesnake
Cools beneath stone.
Sometimes, he lays in bed;
Pretends he is ascending
Floating higher and higher
Until he becomes a star-
Invisible to even God. feels too great closing verse

i think this is an extremely good poem with some great similes and imagery. i'd like to know a little bit of who 'he' is as it's impossible to place 'he' as anyone.
is he a street person, a tramp? (no because he sits by his window after work so we know what he isn't to some extent. is he someone who's indifferent to everything because of depression, a misomaniac. for me the title relates to an emotion more than it does to a he.

To him, it’s satisfaction: this line gives me feeling of depression. and then the last verse which i love leads me to see (not think, though i could be effin wrong) that's it's about meditation. that he's rid himself of all earthly things in order to be at one with himself. (travelling the astral plain) the fact i'm struggling for insight is down to me forgive me if i got it wrong lol. on the other hand while trying to de-construct the poem i've grown extremely fond of it. thanks for the read as always.