ascendence through suffering

[heslopian]

through the crook of an elbow like a rabbit I crawl,
resting my cheek in a furrow of flesh;
the sun dapples on us, leaves
each fallen from our mother branch
to lie beside in disarray
his fellow's browning corpse.

and like lost leaves on a much weathered path,
we've felt the bootsoles of people,
been trampled, trodden, pried free from their shoes
with a stick. how often does love
have the glory of hate? we should be thankful,
for no man was sainted who hadn't suffered.

[billy]

through the crook of an elbow like a rabbit I crawl,
resting my cheek in a furrow of flesh; nice opening lines
the sun dapples on us as if we were leaves, [would it be better as 'the sun dapples us; leaves' a metaphor]
each fallen from our mother branch
to lie beside in disarray
his fellow's browning corpse. [great 3 lines]

and like lost leaves on a much weathered path,
we've felt the bootsoles of people,
been trampled, trodden, pried free from a shoe [good two lines]
with a tiny loose stick. how often does love [is loose needed]
have the glory of hate? we should be thankful, [love of what hate of what, for me it needs to be solid]
for no man was sainted who hadn't suffered. i like this line the best.

it has a profound feel about it heslopian. probably the last line makes it so. a life journey many of us travel. some good images though the love and hate thing going on in the last verse feels a little too generic.
thanks for the read as always.

[heslopian]

Thank you for your kind words and feedback Billy. The whole poem is rather vague, not just those lines you mentioned, though they illustrate how generic this; I like to think of this poem as among my most tightly constructed yet thematically shallow. It essentially alludes to a Romeo and Juliet-style romance, and argues, I suppose, that tragedy made their love stronger. I'll use all your suggestions except removing the love and hate line, simply because I have no idea what on earth I would put in its place.