Late night thoughts

[Jackthejack]

Something so delicate as a bud 
Has the ability to grow into a flower.
Emotion flowing over like a flood 
Leads to who has the power. 
Feelings help express
Everything held within. 
So we put on a facade to impress
Under the bottle of gin.
It makes them happy 
At least that’s what they say. 
For me it just leads to a crappy,
A very crappy day. 

[homer1950]

Jack I like what you have here, I see what you are trying to say. and that is the most important thing when it comes to poetry (expressing yourself). I do believe you should fine tune some things here is my advice;

Start by not capitalizing every line 

Try not to force rhymes, not every line needs to rhyme with the next

Also see if there are words not needed, less words can be more powerful

Here is an example: consider removing words in the parentheses 

Thanks for sharing your Friend Homer 

Something (so) delicate as a bud 
(Has the ability to)grows into a flower.
Emotion flowing (over) like a flood 
[font=.SF UI Text][font=.SFUIText]Leads to (who has)the power[/font][/font]

[P3t3rW1ll14m]

Hey Jack,

I like what you are saying in the poem. I have noticed that a lot of poets seem to be moving away from rhyming at the end of every line. If you want to stick with that style, I suggest is looking at synonyms for words. So instead of using your common set of words and having to force unnecessary rhymes in to make the poem rhyme. You will find some new words and new rhymes that may work. It takes a bit of extra time, but if you use dictionary.com or something like that you can find new synonyms in no time and mix things up a bit!

Hope this helps!

[beccaannk]

Hi Jack,

I like the idea of this poem, but I think it would be better with more exactness in the choice of words, and even in the meter.

Something so delicate as a bud -"something" is somewhat weak as a word, maybe let the bud be the subject rather than an object of comparison
Has the ability to grow into a flower. "can" could do the same work here as "has the ability to" - I'd let fewer words to the heavy lifting here so we can focus on the words that really carry the meaning
Emotion flowing over like a flood - "flows" rather than "flowing" would make this feel more immediate
Leads to who has the power. 
Feelings help express
Everything held within. --"everything" is vague, I'd like a different word here
So we put on a facade to impress
Under the bottle of gin. 
It makes them happy 
At least that’s what they say. 
For me it just leads to a crappy,
A very crappy day. -these last two lines are grammatically awkward, and it makes the end less powerful