Justifications

[heslopian]

my aunt wants me to write a “happy” poem for her,
something soft and delicate, like the first morning of spring,
or warm cotton booties, fresh from the tumble dryer,
nothing about murders, please, or ne’er-do-wells and suicides;
if it must come from your soul, then change what your soul is.

but doesn't my dear auntie see, that midnight is a part of me?
and where the ripper joins his prey, in darkest Whitechapel,
I too reside, typing this poem for you now. I could smile at puppies,
heavenly sunshine, and laugh at children’s flatulence,
but doing so would kill my craft, and break just who I am.

[billy]

it's feels a bit tongue in cheek and a little away from the jack i've read before.
it's also prosy. that said.

i think the 1st verse is great. no nits or changes there.


for me the dialogue works in the first verse but feels a little too much in the 2nd.

would;

Auntie doesn't see ... allow the dialogue to become your thought instead of your words?

other than that nit it's really enjoyable piece. i love the 'could' in italics. there's a lot to like about this jack.

thanks for the read as always.

[heslopian]

How is it different from my usual stuff? I began writing this as a serious piece, but it became more tongue in cheek and prosey as I went along. I was experimenting with the removal of enjambment from my work, ending each line with punctuation.

I know what you mean about the second verse. I did mean to change that first line so it wasn't directly addressing my aunt, but I must have just forgotten.

Thanks as always for the kind words and feedback, Billy.

[billy]

this is about how she sees you (it's more about her than you) and it's in a much lighter vein i think with this one the prosy works. it's in theme with an aunt lol
for me it just shows a diffrent side of the writer who sits in college canteens with a coke can.

[Ris Yerg]

Hi!
It's wonderful!
I have "aunt" like you too! Ha-ha!
R.Y.

[addy]

I really love the jauntiness of this piece... there's nothing really "grim" or "terrible" about your dark side here, in the sense that you embrace it so unapologetically. A gentleman ripper, indeed.