Sure Fire (edit)

[CRNDLSM]

Sure Fire (edit)

"Sure as fire, it's hazardous!
Elemental purifier."
                 "Someone's gonna pay for this."
"Someone always does, sure-fire!"

                 "When it rains, the pollutants
                  in the atmosphere will drain-"
"Don't start talking 'bout mutants!"
                 "I'm serious, acid rain!"

"This conversation's over!
Waking up the crack o' dawn
to start this shit, moreover,
call your employer a con?!"

                  "I'm not saying anything!" 
"That's right!  Now you got one shot
to prove it, are you going
to join us or what?"                  "I'm not!"

"Sure as fire, I'll kick your ass!
Cook you in your own stir fryer..."
                  "Wait! You know I kiss your ass,"
"That's right! You sure do, sure-fire!"






Sure Fire (original)

"Sure as fire, it's hazardous!
An elemental pur-fier."
"Someone's gonna pay for this."
"Someone always does, sure fire!"

"When it rains, the pollutants
in the atmosphere will drain-"
"Don't start talking 'bout mutants!"
"I'm serious, acid rain!"

"This conversation's over!
You don't appreciate one
thing we give you. Moreover,
call your employer a con?"

"I'm not saying anything!" 
"That's right! Everything you got
came from us. Now, you going
to join us or what?" "I'm not!"

"Sure as fire I'll kick your ass!
Cook you in your own stir fryer..."
"Wait! You know I kiss your ass,"
"Whew! Almost had me, sure fire!"

[alonso ramoran]

Hi CRNDLSM,
The playful tone of the poem makes for a fun read. Some rhymes where a little weak but I think that the playful tone of the poem gives the poem an awareness of that aspect. The only actual problem I had with a rhyme though was with "one" and "con" because they were only consonant rhymes. It was a little hard to follow at times because of the quotation marks, so it took some getting used to. Maybe you could do something to visually differentiate who's talking when? More comments below

Sure Fire

"Sure as fire, it's hazardous!
An elemental pur-fier." Did you mean "puri-fier"?
"Someone's gonna pay for this."
"Someone always does, sure fire!" Sure-fire being spelled the way it is in the title is fine I guess, but shouldn't you write it with a hyphen here?

"When it rains, the pollutants
in the atmosphere will drain-"
"Don't start talking 'bout mutants!"
"I'm serious, acid rain!"

"This conversation's over!
You don't appreciate one
thing we give you. Moreover,
call your employer a con?" Would an exclamation point be more appropriate here?

"I'm not saying anything!" 
"That's right! Everything you got
came from us. Now, you going This quote started to confuse me about the exchange.
to join us or what?" "I'm not!"

"Sure as fire I'll kick your ass! I would maybe write this out as "I will kick your ass" for meter.
Cook you in your own stir fryer..."
"Wait! You know I kiss your ass,"
"Whew! Almost had me, sure fire!" Also for meter, I would rewrite as "Almost had me there"

Best to you,
Alex

[CRNDLSM]

Thanks Alex I hope this reads easier, rewrote two of the rhymes s3l2, s4l2. I've never been good at meter, ae freislighe seemed to work best as a conversation for the repeats beginning and ending of each stanza.

[Cesar]

I love the poem, it has a fun and excited tone, however the rhyme scheme was a little off, just read over it a couple times. The poem has great potential, and is in a great place to begin with.